Robin Reports From In The Thick Of It

Success For One; My Take

To lead an individual to success is like being a real estate agent helping someone purchase the perfect home. The perfect home for one person is not the perfect home for another. Success encompasses many variables just like a home has many rooms. We all want success in our life, just like we all want a roof over our head. However, what success is for one person is not success for another. Like a real estate agent who is helping a person find their perfect home, as a coach I help an individual find success based on their ideal balance of needs, wants and desires. I call this formula NWD. A person who claims he is successful in his/her life feels satiated and comfortable. They have the ideal balance of NWD and are for the most part truly happy.

I would not for a moment attempt to define success in one blanket statement for the masses, or any individual for that matter. Each person will do best in determining what success will look like for him/herself. A person’s success, when dissected, is a uniquely shaped and weighted formula of NWD and it can in no way be the same for any two people. You can have two formulas of success that are quite similar, and yet like our DNA when you get to the nitty gritty we are all unique creatures. Success like DNA is unique to each of us. Not only are there many choices as far as how many rooms you want in a house, there is also the choice of the size, the shape, the color. The notion of what a perfect room is will vary from one individual to another based on individual preference. And, there are many rooms in a house, making the number of decisions exponentially greater as to weather a house is a match for an individual or not. Success like the perfect house has the perfect blend of NWD specific to the individual in each of the three following areas.

These three areas make up the skeletal base for success. The meat of the matter is based on each individual’s NWD in the following areas.

1. Primary Needs. No doubt about it, the first component is having primary needs met; food, shelter, clothes. Etc. Good health is part of this component as well. This is for self- preservation. You may be well acquainted with Henry Maslow and his list of the seven primary needs. I remember being a starving college student and trying to get these needs met and to pay for my schooling. It was quite a challenge. And once met, I assumed I would have enough. Post college, a few years later, life looked different. In my twenties, I went from an exciting career to being married, and living a life of mass material accumulation and the finest at that. As a child, I thought to have these things I would be living the dream life. Well, it wasn’t so dreamy after all.

I have found in my own life experiences that once there is food on the table and the bills are paid for, life can still be dissatisfying; even if the house is magnificent and the quality of food is superb. And, I had the most fabulous wardrobe and big rocks on my fingers and toes. Okay, maybe not toes but there were an abundance. Steak and fine wine were part of the weekly diet. All these things I had I call icing on the cake. If you don’t have the cake what good is a bowl of icing? Just icing and you can get sick to your stomach. I have driven fabulous cars that as a child I could only dream of. And yet, found myself quite unhappy in this world of material abundance. See, I was lacking in component number 2.

2. Respect and Appreciation. As humans, we are all social creatures. There is an inner need of respect and appreciation that we all want from other individuals. The level of respect and the form of appreciation depends on our NWD. For some of us, a select few who provide this are enough. For others, they want it on a grand scale. For instance, some people are happy being single and have no need for marriage. Maybe, they are well liked and respected at work, they have great friends and family relationships. My brother for instance, is one of the happiest people I know at age 33. And, he is not looking to get married. For others, life would not be complete without a marital partner. I have met people on each side. Another scenario is, some people want children and some people don’t. There is no right or wrong, it is a matter of choice. For those enjoying large numbers of people in their life, there are organizations you can join. Some people are members of many and some choose not to join in large groups. If you are receiving respect and appreciation these experiences will be rewarding. If the people you are with are not giving you respect and appreciation, no matter the number you will feel disappointment. No matter your choices, all people at some level are looking for respect and appreciation from others in some area of their life with the right NWD.

So now we have a roof over our head, food on the table, people to respect and appreciate us, and there is still a void. We have one more variable for success to make the formula complete.

3. We all need something to do. There are many people out there that have all the goodies, all the money, the looks, the fame, and have great friends and relationships …from a distance you would think they have the best life. You know, these people can be bored stiff. Everyone needs something to do. Humans were not put on this earth to just sit around. I have yet to meet a person that can sit around day after day and feel content. Come on, sun bathing on a beach in Hawaii sounds delicious; but all day, every day? Sitting around not accomplishing anything for a long duration of time does not fill our souls with contentment.

Now here again, how one person wants to fill their day with activity will be quite different from another. We are all unique with our own determination of what is enjoyable for us and what is not. It varies based on our NWD. One person wants to be a fire fighter it is not just his work it is his identity. Another person wants to be a nurse. And another person wants to be a rock star. How bout those professional athletes? Looks like a glamorous life with all that fame and money. After having dated a few, I found that life is rigorous and really tough on the body and can lead to arthritis and lifelong ailments. But don’t think for a minute they wouldn’t have done it any other way. Bottom line, we all need to fill our day with something to do that makes us happy. Too much to do equals burn out. Balance is key. If volunteer work does it for you, get out there and make great things happen. If making the next big invention makes you happy, go out there and do it. If being a teacher and having an impact on the future of this world light you up, start teaching today. We need you. The thing is, if you don’t like what you are doing, do something else. You don’t like your job, find another. You are bored playing tennis, play golf. Find something to do to occupy your time on this earth that makes you feel fulfilled.

There has always been something mystical about the number three. I have three kids and they are my greatest joy; cannot imagine life without them. The number three shows up in the universe again and again as a significant number. The pyramids are shaped like triangles with three corners. The holy trinity is made up of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, Ceasar's famous words, Veni, Vidi, Vici ( I came, I saw, I conquered), and then there's morning, noon and night. “Three's a charm”, we have all heard that. In this case, it truly is. As a coach, this is the formula I use helping others achieve success. These three components with the right balance of NWD equal a life of happiness and fulfillment.

If you are looking for success start by looking at these three components in your life; taking care of your primary needs, being respected and appreciated by your fellowman and having something to do. Bear in mind, there is a diminishing point of returns in any one of these areas just like there is to the size of any given room in a house and what you can do to that room. You want to balance these areas to get the perfect fit for you overall. When you find the right fit, you will be filled with vitality and contentment. You will be one of those who can proudly stand up and say, "I am a success".

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

An associate of mine most recently shared with me she would be breaking up with her boyfriend of two years. They had lived together for a while.  She also has spent time with his kids.  Her break up stemmed from her feeling they were not growing at the same pace and distance between them started to become greater. Last weekend she moved out into a new place on her own.

Lisa, we shall call her, was the one who chose this break up.  However, this break up stirred up a lot of emotions in her.  You get used to having someone beside you at night, or coming home to someone.  You have a sure companion to go out to dinner with or to the movies.  All of a sudden she is faced not having that companion at her beck and call.  She will be going it alone, at least for now.

Upon sharing this new life transition with me, I pointed out how important it was to love herself and be good to herself at this time.  What does this mean?  Needless to say, Lisa, is now in a more vulnerable state, a bit more fragile.  It is not like she is going to fall apart, it is just when changes in life occur, they have a tendency to have us feel a bit ungrounded.  At these times you have to give yourself a little extra TLC. Sometimes the person we have to focus taking care of first and foremost for the moment is ourselves.

How can one give themselves some TLC? Many of us understand how to be there for a friend or family member and how to give them some special attention.  How about for ourselves? Here are a few suggestions: Make sure the music that you listen to does not have the ability to pull you down.  Choose programs on the television or at the movies that are uplifting rather than tragic or negative.  Work out.  Don't forget, work outs cut the stress level down by 50%.  Also, they increase endorphins that create that feel good feeling.  Celebrate getting through certain moments.  No doubt there will be moments that show up when Lisa feels sad, or frightened, or frustrated.  After accepting they are a part of the process and moving on, celebrate you made it through that moment, those moments.  Give yourself a little pat on the back for doing the little things and remaining "in action" in your life.  If you need to lay down and rest, allow yourself the time to unwind. Pamper yourself a little, get a massage, a facial or attend a mediation session.  Call friends or family who will make you feel comfortable and provide support.  If someone is speaking to you and the conversation becomes negative, cut the conversation short.  Stay away from negative stimuli that may further disrupt your feelings of discomfort at this time. Read a book.  Sometimes reading a book is the perfect distraction so we don't dwell in the space of pity or worry. Go outdoors for a walk or a jog.  Being under direct sunlight makes us feel more upbeat. Create an environment for yourself that will sooth your soul and provide a space to heal and rejuvenate.

There are many ways one can care for themselves while going through difficult times in one's life. First and foremost one must care for themselves before they can attend to others most effectively.  Take one day at a time, or one moment at a time and celebrate having made it through it successfully.  Slowly but surely momentum will build and Lisa will find herself moving forward and new surprises coming into her life.  Remember when one door closes, another will open.  Be ready for the next chapter to start in you life.  As for Lisa, while working at a seminar, she met a new male friend who has already added some light to her life. 

Susan Is A Survivor And Now She Is A Fighter: Against Breast Cancer

My friend Susan is a "Breast Cancer" survivor. You know the saying, Shit Happens!  Well, one ordinary day in Susan's life, after just turning 40, she went in for her yearly OB/GYNE check-up. There was no sign of trouble, no family history of breast cancer, just doing her due diligence.  The doctor finds a lump on her breast and explains they should do a biopsy. A week later, in November of '02,  she gets a call from her doctor informing her that it was cancerous. That was the beginning of a very long, frightening, debilitating and treacherous journey to do what it takes to fight breast cancer and save her life. 

Susan is married, a mother of two children and lives in a suburb of Chicago. She had been a very successful business woman up until this point.  She recently gave up her job to spend more time with her children.  Then one day, out of no where, came this terrible news that threatened her life.  I remember her struggle with how she was going to share with her young children that she had a life threatening illness, that would require her taking on a series of treatments that would leave her incapacitated at times for days.  All this would be necessary to save her life. It was a very sober moment for us all, recognizing the fragility of life, and who we are for others as well as who they are for us.

She thoroughly did her research to determine the best strategy to take on for her situation. What followed was a treacherous year of having surgery-a lumpectomy, with chemotherapy to follow for five months. Following that was 8 weeks of Radiation treatments.  Her body was so traumatized at one point her veins would collapse when the IV needle was inserted.  She was so dehydrated from being ill after treatments, she needed to have an IV hooked up to her wrists for a few weeks.   Watching her go through this painful process to save her life was heart wrenching for all her loved ones who were there by her side and did their best to be supportive.

Susan is the type of person that is completely organized with everything in it's place.  She has been very successful in her own right in the business world as a sales woman.  She has always been known to keep a flawless appearance; her hair done just right, nails always painted, make up perfectly applied.  She took great pride in her appearance.  For someone like this, you can only imagine what it was like to have your life turned upside down in this way.  When her hair fell out and she had to visit the beauty parlor to have her head shaved, we, her friends, were crying with her. As she stated in a book listed below,

"Brian gently kissed my  head and took the razor down the middle first. I shed a few tears, and before I knew it I was completely bald.  I looked in the mirror and initially I was shocked. I thought I looked so old.  But as time wore on, I kept thinking it's me.  I'm still the same spirit, the same human being, the same wife, the same mother, the same sister, the same friend.  I believe that Jordan and Monique were shocked to see their mom bald.  The fact that I had breast cancer and was sick and undergoing chemotherapy really set in with the loss of my hair."   

Her skin turned green from the chemicals of chemo. We did our best to keep her spirits up.  When things got bad, I told her to hold on to a mantra to keep herself mentally strong.  It was, Sink or Swim Baby!  I'm Swimming!

After the radiation was done what was to follow was to try to remain cancer free. She was in a physically weakened condition with her skin still discolored for a while. From that point forward, for the next five years, Susan would have to take Tomaxifin, a drug to prevent the cancer from coming back.  Side effects  were loss of memory, sleepless nights, depression, and just absolute frustration, where some days she would just say,  "How much can a body take?"  This is where real character is born.  She took on being a problem solver.  She saw a specialist to deal with her sleepless nights,  sought out medicine to relieve her depression, lastly, called her friends to support her and keep her sane. When it comes to Susan's friends, birds of a feather do flock together.  She has an "All Star" line up of friends that make for a group of very talented characters across the board, that were there to support her in a myriad of ways.  Truly, Thank G-d for friends.

Slowly but surely Susan got stronger, her hair grew back,  her body started to mend, and she felt hope for the first time in a while that she was past the worst of it. In no time, she decided to help others stricken with breast cancer and had a large fund-raiser in her community for Breast Cancer Research, raising thousands of dollars.  To help out with the finances at home, she took classes and got her real estate license. Two years later, she is one of the top sales people in her office. She will explain how going through this treacherous process made her stronger, made her wiser.  She learned what was important in life, to embrace each day.  She takes nothing for granted. She seeks out people who will fill her life with love and laughter.   

Today, Susan Jacqueline Maman is a very successful real estate agent.  In 2007, she was an award winner of the International President's Circle-top 4% in sales volume across the country.  In 2006, she was an award winner for the International President's Circle- top 13% across the country in sales volume. In 2005, she was awarded Rookie Of The Year of the entire North Shore region of Illinois. Also, awarded Top Marketing Specialist in her office. She has had such a strong come back after her fight with Cancer, she is an example to anyone who has ever been dealt bad cards in their life.

The one thing that has been missing in her life up until now is exercise.  Having taken the medicine for the depression that ensued as a side effect of the Tomaxifin, she started to put on weight.  As a perfectionist, this was very hard on her. With her very busy life, her friends stressed how important it was to put exercise in her daily schedule to control her stress and help with the weight. Susan also is the type, she has to take care of everyone else before herself. She is a one man band, well in this case, a one woman band. I stressed how important it was to take care of herself first, so she can continue to be there for others for the long term.  Finding the balance between taking care of herself verses caring for others has been an on-going process. Happens to a lot of us moms.   I wrote a blog, Take a Walk.  Susan read it and called me up.  She said, "I read your blog and that's it, I am doing it."  You probably can surmise at this point, when Susan sets her mind to it, she is unstoppable.  Recognizing how difficult it is to make it a priority in her already loaded daily schedule, Susan, after visiting her doctor for her four-year check up and seeing she was cancer free, sent out an e-mail to her friends. 

I am inviting all my friends, she declares, to celebrate with me in my five year anniversary of being cancer- free, by helping me raise $100,000.00 in taking on The Avon Walk For Breast Cancer, June of '08.  She has invited over 25 friends to participate with her.  She is on a mission,  not one, actually many. She is taking on her health and making walking a part of her life for the next year to prepare for the event.  By doing this as part of a group she is held accountable to her friends to ensure she prepares physically to take this on. She has publicly announced she is out to raise a very large sum for the foundation with the help of her friends.  The walk itself will accomplish a very special bonding experience to have with all her friends for two days.  An experience I promise you we all will never forget.

Susan is an inspiration to me and anyone who knows her. She wrote a chapter in a book, by Lori Ovitz, Facing The Mirror With Cancer. In this chapter she shares:

    "Lori Ovitz's visit enabled me to learn how to apply my make up in a very short period of time. Looking good and feeling good are a part of dealing with the many challenges that life during chemotherapy presents."

Lori helped her feel attractive by showing her how to apply make-up, even though she had no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes. Susan's friend, Michelle, states in this book:

"After my close friend Susan was diagnosed with breast cancer I could not sit on the sideline. I was honored to be able to send Lori to her home, watching her magical touch as she brought my girlfriend’s face back to life…..through the hardship of breast cancer, three women’s lives have been interwoven. We are truly blessed: Susan, Lori and I."
Michele Fisher

Susan has taken this life threatening experience and used it  to make herself stronger. After her recovery, she took on wanting to help others who are now going through the same trials and tribulations that come from getting breast cancer.  We, her friends, will be at her side, supporting her and what she stands for in life and love as we take on The Avon Walk For Breast Cancer next year.  Susan is a survivor and now a fighter.

If you are inspired by Susan and her story and think you too want to take on the challenge of  The Avon Walk For Breast Cancer, it will be good for your health and you will be donating to a worthy cause.  Do like Susan and form a group of friends to do it with. Bonus-The preparation to do the walk will put your body in shape. It will be an experience of a life time - for a lifetime.

An invasive case of breast cancer is diagnosed in the US every three minutes. One in eight women will be afflicted with breast cancer at some point in their life.  It is the leading cause of death due to cancer among women.  We are going to put up a fight!!!   Come join us. If you are interested in donating to the cause, just e-mail Susan at: [email protected].

Here is a web site I found to prepare all interested parties for this two-day challenge.  GO FOR IT!!!!  You will see us there!

                                                 Prepare For The Avon Walk

Where's Your Mojo?

When's the last time you tried anything new?  Do you remember the exhileration and anticipation of taking on a new adventure? Seriously, I'm not talking about a different flavor soda or beer for that matter, I am talking about a new activity or new hobby, a trip to a foreign place, something that made you have to step out of your comfort zone? Children are constantly put in the position of trying something new.  They have us as parents pushing them on, peer pressure and then in school, they are challenged daily to bring their thinking to the next level.  After school they participate in activities in dance, music, drama, sports etc...where the kids become a part of a group and share something.  Trying something new is part of their everyday life.  Their minds remain flexible in their daily ritual of change. As we get older we are not as prone to change.

                                                                                                                                                    

As we get older, we don't have the required education classes like we did as kids.  No more required gym class to keep us in shape, or after school activity to join the gang in.  Our schedules become very structured and redundant.  So much so, that we become comfortable in our ways.  Life is good that way, or at least for awhile.  Until, something happens, and we are forced to take on change.  You know that drive to work you take each day.  You do it so many times you go on automatic...How frustrating is it when there is an alternative route posted?  We are then required to get out of automatic and manually shift gears and use our heads.  It's work. Maybe it is a more serious change, such as losing a job and finding a new one.  If we are not comfortable with change, moments like this in life can be quite traumatic.

                                                                                                                                       

It is common to become sedentary in our ways, where we just don't want to change. Human beings are naturally habitual. We find what we like and stick to keeping it that way.  Going out of our comfort zone is not a natural thing for most.  Some fear it.  Some won’t even consider it.  The less we exercise our brains on making changes, the less flexible we become to new ideas and new ways of doing things.  You can see this with older people, where the latest trends in fashion are not nearly as important to them as the younger generation.   They don't want or need the plasma TV.  I have a friend who is an athletic director at a private college.  He tells me his two bosses don't even own a computer.  They work in a college.  Is that possible? I know I have friends as well, that have slowly moved forward in becoming adept on the computer.  And the Internet has been around for a while. They will outright tell me they are afraid of it, or it is too much work to learn it.  They don't need it.  Sound familiar?

                                                                                                                                          

Bottom line they don't see the prize: the reward on the other side for doing all the work. People don't like change...change means something different, something new..something foreign... If you don't know it, you fear it and stay away. Over time things change, to make the most of life we need to change with it.  How can we prepare ourselves for change?  There is a company called Play, from Richmond Virginia. Their conference room is called, "The Playroom". Their employees are encouraged  to take on activities that spur creativity, take risks and try new things.  When they have ideas flying across their business room, the ideas are celebrated and called "mojo".  They celebrate creativity and change...it is progressive.                                                                                                            

                                                                                                                                          

In order to celebrate change you need to be comfortable with change.  John C. Maxwell writes an excellent book on the significance of change in our daily lives and in our careers so we dont become stagnant in our ways, Thinking For A Change.  No company will stay around for the long run if they are not able to change with the times.  I think the best way to be open to change is to exercise our minds and bodies regularly to different situations, so when we are forced to face a change in our lives we don't have to dread it so. 

                                                                                                         

There are many ways to jump outside your comfort zone and make some changes.  If you want to start small, try a new exercise.  If you like to go on vacation, travel somewhere new.  Try a new dish on your dinner table.  Take a road trip to somewhere you have never been before.  If you like the internet, surf to sites you have not been before.  Try a new hair cut.  I do at least once a year.  Even if I don't like it.  I may be on my way after a couple of cuts to a new style I will like better than before. Watch yourself go through the process of change.  First the feeling of the unknown, foreign,  second, the feeling of anxiety that turns into excitement and lastly the process by which you go from the unknown to the known.  Sometimes thi s stage takes a while and few are unwilling to push on through.  It takes practice to get used to ths stage.This is where you have to find strength and courage and convition so you reach the other side.-the side of the prize.  It is this way always.  When you get used to this mental exercise, change becomes a more normal part of your life once again.  When you learn new things, you feel invigorated...your vitality reaches new heights. 

                                                                                                                              

Change is an important exercise. For years now, I have made it an important part of my life to take on new things regulary, so to keep my mind and body flexible. Do I get uncomfortable at times? You betcha.  I just know it is part of the process. I have worked change in my life in many ways. I cannot tell you how many different exercise regimens I have tried, and mix them up regularly.  I have taken on many different sports in my adult life.  I read a wide variety of subjects on different topics.  I focus on a different part of the world each year.I have traveled extensively.  I have not had a career, so I have done charity work where I sign on different positions just to learn something new each time.  I have a diverse group of friends that all teach me new things regularly. I have instilled in my life that change is evolutionary. I want to grow and become more each day.  I get excited about it because I have built up my momentum. Once you get going , you get in the zone and you will surprise yourself with what you decide to take on next.

                                                             

I have a friend, forced into a new change in her life now: divorce atfer twenty years of marriage.  It became quite the habit. She sat at a table a few months back, wishing she was more knowledgeable about current events.  She was impressed by how much reading I did. She said she has not really read in years.  I showed her some of the books I read.  She was like I couldn't handle those. This was in January, little did I know she was going to "change" her ways.  A few months later she is sharing with me books I have never read, with challenging topics.  She found out she had more inside her than she knew.  She is now taking on the Internet and  is learning new sites each week.  She has become a blogger.  She has signed on for sites to send her daily comments.  She is enbracing change in her life right now.  She is getting comfortable with exercising her mind.  It breeds momentum so you are willing to try on change in other areas of your life.  This is why the company Play reinforces it's employees to take on activities like surfing and mountain climbing... It will effect who they are at work.

                                                                                                               

Try on new things. If you like books, read a subject you never read about.  Listen to a new genre of music. Try the latest exercise craze.  There are so many possibilities out there for us to experience and enjoy.  We first have to want to see them and secondly be willing to take on the challenge of learning something new.  They say no risk no reward in life.  I say, living a life of stagnation, is barely living at all. 

                                                                                                                                                                     

So the next time you are exposed to something new in your life, If your first reaction is stay away or you don't like it because it is different, take a second look.  Give it a try.  Make the challenge of trying something new a rewarding experience.  And pat yourself on the back for being willing to swim in foreign waters. I am sure your life will become very rich and rewarding when you “change” your ways.

More Words To Live By

This Post is a follow up post to, Words To Live By. The day I wrote this post I met up with some friends. This post was made with their input.  Thank you guys! It was nice to see how many really got into it and started thinking about what words of inspiration they held on to through the years. Here is a list we came up with together. What is fun about it, is you can learn things about the person who shares them. You gain insight as to what is important for them. Or, possibly what they are going through now or have been through. Maybe you know some.

Never say Never

Three Times a charm

I’m a Survivior

I Can Do it or Just Do IT

An Apple A Day keeps The Doctor Away

My Tears Do Not Compromise My Strength

Inside I’m So Strong

It Takes Courage To Be Vulnerable

Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance

Work Hard Play Hard

I AM Bigger Than This

We Will Be Laughing When This Is All Over

Hard Work Beats Talent Unless Talent Works Hard

It’s In The Hands Of God

Sink or Swim Baby   …I used this to get me through my divorce and I recommended it to a friend going through Chemo for Breast Cancer. She still uses it today.

The interesting thing is that these phrases that are part of our conversation permeate our belief systems over time, and become a part of who we are.

As my friends and I sat in conversation, someone, I will refer to as Joan, had shared with us how great it would have been to have a thought to cling on to when her car broke down. She was stuck in then middle of nowhere in Wisconsin, hours away from home. She felt trapped and helpless. The negative thoughts just took over. She considered to add this little exercise to her tool box in life, as I put it. She is actually going to sit down and come up with a list to turn to, to inspire her and keep her strong and able when needed. Nice to know, this article made a difference in her life. She mentioned, "Just a few simple words would have kept me more calm and less freaked out through it all." We came up with a few suggestions: It could have been worse, I am a phone call away from help, If this is a test, I’m going to Ace it. The change in thought cuts through the negativity, stops the vicious circle and sets her back on track to getting things resolved.

We have all been stuck in one way or another. Or need something to grasp on to at times to get us motivated. Jane is putting her list of top ten in her notes section on her phone. So, she will be prepared in the future. The things about using Mantras on a regular basis is they become a natural tool to seek out if they are at the forefront of your mind or easily found in a list somewhere, to use when you need them. I hope this post has inspired you to come up with a list that defines you and inspires you like Joan.

    Here are a couple more websites to add to your collection:

         www.Quotationpage.com and  www.Brainyquote.com

    Suggested Book readings, as some of my friends like to turn to books:

          The Forbes Book of Business Quotations, By Ted Goodman

          The Change Your Life Quote Book, by Allen Klein

Lastly, here is a phrase I sign off with often,

Live, Learn, Love, Laugh

Robin

Words To Live By

Do you have words to live by? Maybe you call them words of wisdom, possibly it’s a famous quote, or proverb? The new age trend, though not so new, actually started in India long ago as part of the Hindu religion, is to have a daily mantra: words that put power in your thought, in your attitudes. Typically a mantra consists of three of four words that empower you; I will succeed, I make a difference, I am strong. Do you find yourself or friends at times needing some inspiration for guidance?

Over the years I have found time and time again where I would seek out words of wisdom for the day to get me through; inspirational thoughts or phrases that would mentally align me to live into a day of happiness, health and fulfillment. What am I getting through… many occasions pop up for me; new job, new relationship, a touching moment with a friend or lover, going through tough times, wanting to understand the meaning of it all, losing a loved one, looking for happiness. I have found great quotes, great mantras that have given me something to focus on for such occasions in life.

Brian Tracy, a motivational speaker shares:

Just as cars run smoothly and require less energy to go faster and farther, when the wheels are in alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings emotions, goals and values are in balance.

I have found mantras, and words of wisdom to live by that keep me mentally focused. Upon starting this blog and feeling quite small at my new beginning, I was searching for inspiration and came across a quote on the web.

Never be afraid to do something new. Remember amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.     Author Unknown

I posted this above my desk to keep it in my minds eye, as I create my new posts each day.

I spoke with a friend yesterday who is going to court for her divorce. She told me she had a mantra for the first day that she said to herself to remain calm and effective. Simply put; "Calm and Confident". She was living her day with intent by these words. By saying them to herself, she found power within her. If we are to live, surely we should live with intent. Life is too short to be a passerby. I have found many options that keep me mentally aligned and focused on who I want to be, where I want to be for a certain time period, or like my friend, for a certain day. When the words or phrases truly speak to you, you can feel how re-energized you become or re-focused. Here is a list of my top 10. Some I know the authors of , some I don’t. What I do know, is these phrases keep me mentally aligned in my daily living.

1. All the best things in life are not things at all.

2. God helps those who help themselves.

3. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. Ambrose redmoon.

4. To Thine Own Self Be True.

5. Die Running My father is a runner, he loves this one.

6. Where ever you go, there you are

7. The only one real mistake is one from which we learn nothing - John Powell

8. The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. -Allan K. Chalmers

9. As long as you're living , you’re learning

10. Nothing good comes easy.

Where does one find these words to live by? Sometimes a wise elder will say them off the cuff, possibly one of your peers will share them with you. I have collected them over the years in many ways. I have found websites that will send you daily quotes and websites that will provide you with a daily mantra. There are stores that sell posters with quotes and inspirational phrases. What a powerful way to keep you on track when your walls surround you with words that speak the truth for you.

Do you live you life with intent? What is your mantra for the day? Words that for you are uplifting and provide a focus to live in to. Do you hang them on your walls, or post them on your refrigerator at home? If you don’t have one, here are some websites that I found quite inspiring, just for starters. www.morningmantra.com, check out her mantra archives. www.story.com check out Quotes to live by, sign up for inspirational quotes to come to your mail box each day at www.nightingale.com These are just a few.

Life is a rat race, as we all know, and it is easy to get caught “in the thick of it”. Find words that inspire you, that keep you on the mental track to maintain the values you choose to live into. I know one that I have heard in a yoga class that I will leave with you for the day:

Namaste - which means I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light, and of peace.

Robin

The Aftermath

     We have all been in intense situations with someone where emotions have run high and we lost our cool.  There is this period afterward I call the aftermath.  You know, where possibly you don’t want to talk to person, fear talking to the person, possibly don’t know where to start? My last topic I shared with you was about where my son and I went head to head.  Emotions ran high on both ends.  Anger and frustration by both of us ensued.  We were unable to complete this issue in a calm matter where we both felt better.  For us it was not until the next day that we would talk.  He had school; I had the other kids to take care of.

     So the next day comes, and I drop my other kids off to school.   I hop on the computer, something I do daily and sure enough late morning I see his sign on.  Now I love this kid like no other, though know we did not leave things on a pretty note.  I want things resolved.  I want to clean up the aftermath.  I like e-mails and text messages at times like this.  It is easier to communicate rather than go face to face, at least initially. I start the conversation with the typical greeting of “Hi”.  He responded back in kind.  I saw an opening to continue the conversation.  So, I dove right in. I text, “I am sorry for yelling at you last night.  You know I was angry and upset.  Imagine spending an hour and a half hunting you down as the clock is ticking and you have an important place to be at.” He writes back, “I’m sorry.”

     At this point, in the aftermath, when the emotions on both sides have subsided to some degree.  I think it is a great time to really share with the other person what fueled the emotion, the intensity of your upset.  In Buddhism, I have leaned, that our feelings originate from two things, either fear or love.  When angered, I can tell you, in this case fear was definitely present.  So, I shared with my son, how I was frightened.  I did not want him to be a no show.  This can make people look down upon you, find you not reliable, and find you not trustworthy.  I love him so much.  I wanted to make sure we got him there, for his sake. My son always says he wants to be a leader; those characteristics in a person will not get him there.  So, I got upset. I did not want the coach to look down upon him, or his teammates.  I fought like heck to find him to avoid such a scenario.

When I did not find him I was angry and upset not just at him but the situation.  It just didn’t look good. I shared with him how after a while I started to be concerned if he was physically okay and then how I became afraid for his safety.  That by the time I found him, my emotions got the best of me, and I just let him have it.  In the book, Six Seconds to True Calm, by Robert Simon Sigel, Robert explains, how it has been scientifically proven when our emotions run high the part of the brain that controls our intelligence does not work as effectively.  We “lose it”.  C’mon, how many of us have had those moments when we just lost it.  It is human.  In this situation, I lost it. 

     I explained to my son, now in a more calm matter, how I really want him to be more effective in certain areas of his life, and I am here to help. It is up to him to implement strategies that will protect him from such break downs.  He was more able to hear me the next day.  He said he understood he screwed up and agreed he wanted to clean this mess up with his coach, and he will always have his phone with him on important days.  The specific event is not so important.  More importantly, for both of us was to recognize he is growing up. I cannot protect him from every dire situation. I want him grow to be responsible and handle things effectively on his own.  He will call to replace the book he lost today. As I prod him to be more independent, I need to let him drop the ball and pick it up again with out coming to his rescue all the time.  And not get so crazy when he drops it.  He is still learning. At 16, I want to let him spread his wings a little.  Just wait till he has his first fender bender.  That will be a test at how well I am handling this teenage thing in my household. See if I will eat my words. Just kidding.

     Later that day, I picked him up from school.  He comes home for the weekends.  I gave him the keys to the car to drive us home.  I moved over into the passenger seat.  It was my message to him that I will hand over some control, we will go through this together, both making some mistakes along the way.

     Who are you in aftermath? Do you have a system set in place for how to clean up your mess? For me, I always want the other person to know I care about him. Then I want him to know personally what was behind my anger and upset.  In this case, I was frightened for him. Well, I also wanted him to realize I spent a lot of time in my life to be there for him and he did not show.  Recognize how his actions or lack of them impacts other people. I then wanted to own up for my responsibility in the matter, loosing my cool.  To follow was to devise a plan for the future so things can work better.  And lastly, let him know I forgive him, and I hope he forgives me too.