Robin Reports From In The Thick Of It

Divorce Happens...more than you know

     

Is it something in the water in our community? You certainly would think so if you lived in my neck of the woods. In the last couple of weeks, I have spoken to a handful of woman who have told me they are getting a divorce.  These are people in my community from all walks of life.  The number grew to such an extent I could not help but question if  a common denominator existed among them so I could reason why so many are breaking up a marriage at the same time. The only common denominator among the separations as of late was the ages of the children.  All but one of the separations had families with children that were pre-teens or older.  One was a break up due to an affair. Even in that case an affair is typically a sign that something was not being fulfilled  in the marriage prior.

                                                      

       Most these woman have been married for 15 years plus. I could see the pain, fear and shock in their faces.  After so many years of living a life of so called stability...all of a sudden these people are thrown in the pool of single people with broken marriages.  It is a hard pill to swallow. I know..I was one of them. Though you try to rationalize this is not the case, you feel like you have a stigma to live with now that you were not able to keep your marriage in tact. Now you are faced with the question, where do you go from here?

                                                            

       Being single is a much more acceptable state these days..so don't feel like you wear a scarlet letter upon your chest. And, only 7% of married people are truly content in their marriage.  Would you really want to remain in a marriage that was unfulfilling just to say you were married? Would you want to do it for your children?  Even then ..it is like you are showing your children staying married and being miserable is better than leaving an unhappy situation.  Embrace your new identity..embrace this new opportunity.  Show your children and show yourself...that life can move on after divorce and it can be a positive thing for everyone.

                                                                     

       The one thing I have shared with most these women was to not spend too much time in "Pitty"ville. It is a waist of their time. If it was a male friend I was talking to I would say the same thing. Consider this an opportunity to embrace this new identity and find yourself again. There are books and web sites I have recommended in another blog, You're Served: Divorce  The one books was Crazy Time.  Recently, I have come across two other books for people entering the world of divorce for the adults and their children; Why Are We Getting A Divorce, by Peter Mayle, and My Parents are Getting A divorce, published by The American Bar Association.

                                                      

       I remember the fear of the unknown I was experiencing once my ex and I separated.  I remember it as the single most frightening time of my life. At the time, I was responsible for a 3, 5, and 7 year old. I gave up my career once we got married to be an at home mom...now what was I to do?   It was one thing to be responsible for yourself but quite another to know I had three young children to raise as well, I did not want to have them all screwed up from this marital catastrophe. This is the same thing all these women stressed to me- the fear for them and their children.  How do you keep stability in your house from this time forward?

                                                                        

       When facing a divorce or any big change in your life I have discovered there is only way to proceed..proceed by taking baby steps. This is a whole new world and you need to proceed slowly and cautiously.  Don't expect too much from yourself at first.  Celebrate any movement forward you make or lack of falling back when you can.  This is a time to love yourself, not hate yourself. The sky will not fall in a day, even though you feel it may. Make sure you watch movies and listen to music that you find uplifting now.  Exercise makes you feel great, give this to yourself. You may meet a new freind along the way. Look for books to read if you have an issue falling to sleep at night.  Focus on being a problem solver.  Don't be helpless, be helpful.  You need yourself now more than ever!

                                                    

       The one thing most people can appreciate is when I explain to them it is very important to be good to yourself-love yourself during this time. When your kid is going through rough times don't you give him/her a little extra TLC?  Don't forget to do this for yourself-it is a crucial exercise. Also, most feel like a piece of them has been detached.  Like they are missing a part of themselves.  It is very important to remain in contact with your friends and family during this time.  These people will never leave you and will always love you.  You are never alone.

                                                      

       Most likely every marriage that has lead to a divorce had been falling apart for awhile. One should be able to see some signs that things were not going well.  Good to examine what and when things went a rye. The longer I live the more determined I am to live with people that for the most part appreciate and respect me.  I promise every person entering a divorce...at least one of these criteria were not met. It can be as simple as not liking to do the same things..in the end this person does not appreciate sharing in the things you like to do or you them...it causes a rift. Sometimes people just grow apart...the appreciation just dissipates over time. It is not a matter of right or wrong.   Wouldn't you like to find someone from this day forward that will feel both respect and appreciation for you and you for them? 

                                                      

       Being single allows you an opportunity to find a companion from this day forward that fits who you are today..not yesterday. Find someone that embraces your being and feels fortunate to have you in their life and you theirs.  Don't question too long why this was not the case in the marriage that has failed for you...you may never have the answers. Consider the ending of the marriage to not be a failure but an ending of a saga. Time for a new adventure. Focus on finding people who will fill your life with love, laughter, respect and appreciation. If not in marriage...in friendship.

                                                             

       I know a couple of people who have lost their lives early or a loved one early..this is sad and tragic.  A divorce is a crisis...and yet you are still alive and able to move forward.  This is just a new chapter in  your life-one you get to write!  What will you fill this new chapter with?  Consider all the possibilities for you now.  Look for how you can now add to your life or make changes that work for you.  Dream Big...but move slow. Pat yourself for getting through each day early on.  Keep the momentum going; after a while you will see you are not sinking you are in fact swimming in new waters.

                                                       

       It is during the tough times where we realize how strong and able we truly are. You have a new canvas..how will you paint it?  Paint it with lots of color, bold and beautiful. What new hobby do you want to start up?  Any new class you want to take?  What about a career that makes you feel a part of things? Look for ways to meet new people to expand your friendship circle. Have a mantra you say to yourself daily that keeps you upbeat and positive...It can be as simple as, "Anything is Possible"   And yet..so true, so true.  Keep in mind...when one door closes another door opens.  This is a new chapter in your life.  This is the first day of the rest of your life.  Make it a good one.

It's A Boy!

        We have a new baby in the house. That's right a new baby.  Well, a new baby puppy.  My daughter wanted one for her 8th grade graduation.  This last week has been just like raising a baby all over again-only it's a pup. We have had sleepless nights from him barking during the night.  We have been on regimented feeding schedules, having to take him out to do his duty as scheduled times. We had to take him to the doctor for a check up and give him some medication... It is exhausting-and yet exhilarating.  It is amazing how an animal can truly become a cherished part of your family in a very short time. At this very moment he is cuddled up next to my chair, chewing on a bone, as I write this.

         My friend lost her dog that was with her and her family for eleven years.  She basically died of old age.  It was incredibly sad to see her morn the loss of her dog, Lexi, for over two weeks.  Maybe you need to be a dog lover to appreciate this.  Lexi has been there while raising her two boys who have now moved on to college.  My friend has gone through two years of a separation and divorce from her husband of 20 plus years.  Her dog has been at her side through tough times, while she now has lived alone, for the last two years.  And now her dog, Lexi, her cherished canine companion, has passed away.

         Recently, we babysat her new pup, Max. She got him on Mothers Day with her son, when he returned from college. He is the cutest, rowdiest, little Shi Tzu you have ever seen.  We have a Maltese that is almost two years old.  After a long weekend of watching Max, our dog seemed sad when he was gone.  She would sniff around looking for Max.  She would go in rooms expecting to see him and he wouldn't be there.  My daughters explained how our dog was missing Max and she needed a friend.  I could see what they were talking about.  After owning a dog for a while you really get in touch with their personality and their feelings.  They are like people in many ways.  If you are not a dog owner or lover you are thinking I have lost it by now.  Get a dog, you will know what I am talking about. Anyway, our dog got used to Max being around to play with him. He liked having a companion.

        Being a dog owner is a new identity for me.  I did not grow up around dogs. I am now able to identify my dog, Sachi's feelings.  I have to say, she did seem she needed a friend.  The kids live very busy lives around here.  We have to leave our dog home alone often. We now brought home a Shi Tzu for Satchi to play with.  We have only had him for a week.  And it is instant love. The dogs play so well together.  We bring them on walks and play in the yard with them.  These two dogs are a part of our family.

       My friend brought over Max to play with our dogs today.  For an hour we just watched our dogs wrestle one another, bite each others ears, chase each other around the yard. We videoed them playing around in the yard. I found this hilarious.  We were so enamored by our animals.  It reminded me when our kids were young.  The adults would try to talk, but our attention was mostly focused on our young ones, making sure they were playing appropriately and not getting hurt or hurting someone else. And, proud Mamas and Papas when they would do something impressive. My friend laughed as she said...only a dog lover could understand what we are doing now. It was the perfect doggy play date.

       It has been a long week getting our new pup used to his new surroundings and watching him so he does not get hurt or eat something he should not be eating. I truly feel like a new mother. I can say, however, he is loved immensely by every family member of the house and we couldn't live without him. I came across a poem that describes what it is to own a dog.

My Dog, CHIMPY

MY DOG IS A FRIEND, WHO LOVES ME FOREVER... MY DOG IS A FRIEND, WHO WILL TURN ON ME NEVER... MY DOG IS A COMPANION, WHO WILL STAND BY MY SIDE... MY DOG IS A COMPANION WHO WONT RUN AND HIDE... MY DOG IS A SOMEONE WHO WILL ALWAYS BE MY FRIEND... MY DOG IS A FRIEND..AND A FRIEND UNTIL THE END... MY DOG IS A FRIEND WHO IS ALWAYS WILLING TO HAVE FUN... MY DOG BELIEVES THAT ABOVE ALL OTHERS, THAT I AM NUMBER ONE... Sheikh Hina Yasmeen

          If you are a dog lover and want to connect with other dog lovers that understand your canine affection, check out these web sites, K9Mania.com, PetSmart, and DogForums.com.  Lastly, if you are into books like I am, check out this site, books for dog lovers.  The Web is great for providing us connections to anything we want under the sun.  Make your connection today, make your dog a part of the fun.

Time to go take my dogs for a walk.  Maybe we will bump into another family with pets along the way. 

Susan Is A Survivor And Now She Is A Fighter: Against Breast Cancer

My friend Susan is a "Breast Cancer" survivor. You know the saying, Shit Happens!  Well, one ordinary day in Susan's life, after just turning 40, she went in for her yearly OB/GYNE check-up. There was no sign of trouble, no family history of breast cancer, just doing her due diligence.  The doctor finds a lump on her breast and explains they should do a biopsy. A week later, in November of '02,  she gets a call from her doctor informing her that it was cancerous. That was the beginning of a very long, frightening, debilitating and treacherous journey to do what it takes to fight breast cancer and save her life. 

Susan is married, a mother of two children and lives in a suburb of Chicago. She had been a very successful business woman up until this point.  She recently gave up her job to spend more time with her children.  Then one day, out of no where, came this terrible news that threatened her life.  I remember her struggle with how she was going to share with her young children that she had a life threatening illness, that would require her taking on a series of treatments that would leave her incapacitated at times for days.  All this would be necessary to save her life. It was a very sober moment for us all, recognizing the fragility of life, and who we are for others as well as who they are for us.

She thoroughly did her research to determine the best strategy to take on for her situation. What followed was a treacherous year of having surgery-a lumpectomy, with chemotherapy to follow for five months. Following that was 8 weeks of Radiation treatments.  Her body was so traumatized at one point her veins would collapse when the IV needle was inserted.  She was so dehydrated from being ill after treatments, she needed to have an IV hooked up to her wrists for a few weeks.   Watching her go through this painful process to save her life was heart wrenching for all her loved ones who were there by her side and did their best to be supportive.

Susan is the type of person that is completely organized with everything in it's place.  She has been very successful in her own right in the business world as a sales woman.  She has always been known to keep a flawless appearance; her hair done just right, nails always painted, make up perfectly applied.  She took great pride in her appearance.  For someone like this, you can only imagine what it was like to have your life turned upside down in this way.  When her hair fell out and she had to visit the beauty parlor to have her head shaved, we, her friends, were crying with her. As she stated in a book listed below,

"Brian gently kissed my  head and took the razor down the middle first. I shed a few tears, and before I knew it I was completely bald.  I looked in the mirror and initially I was shocked. I thought I looked so old.  But as time wore on, I kept thinking it's me.  I'm still the same spirit, the same human being, the same wife, the same mother, the same sister, the same friend.  I believe that Jordan and Monique were shocked to see their mom bald.  The fact that I had breast cancer and was sick and undergoing chemotherapy really set in with the loss of my hair."   

Her skin turned green from the chemicals of chemo. We did our best to keep her spirits up.  When things got bad, I told her to hold on to a mantra to keep herself mentally strong.  It was, Sink or Swim Baby!  I'm Swimming!

After the radiation was done what was to follow was to try to remain cancer free. She was in a physically weakened condition with her skin still discolored for a while. From that point forward, for the next five years, Susan would have to take Tomaxifin, a drug to prevent the cancer from coming back.  Side effects  were loss of memory, sleepless nights, depression, and just absolute frustration, where some days she would just say,  "How much can a body take?"  This is where real character is born.  She took on being a problem solver.  She saw a specialist to deal with her sleepless nights,  sought out medicine to relieve her depression, lastly, called her friends to support her and keep her sane. When it comes to Susan's friends, birds of a feather do flock together.  She has an "All Star" line up of friends that make for a group of very talented characters across the board, that were there to support her in a myriad of ways.  Truly, Thank G-d for friends.

Slowly but surely Susan got stronger, her hair grew back,  her body started to mend, and she felt hope for the first time in a while that she was past the worst of it. In no time, she decided to help others stricken with breast cancer and had a large fund-raiser in her community for Breast Cancer Research, raising thousands of dollars.  To help out with the finances at home, she took classes and got her real estate license. Two years later, she is one of the top sales people in her office. She will explain how going through this treacherous process made her stronger, made her wiser.  She learned what was important in life, to embrace each day.  She takes nothing for granted. She seeks out people who will fill her life with love and laughter.   

Today, Susan Jacqueline Maman is a very successful real estate agent.  In 2007, she was an award winner of the International President's Circle-top 4% in sales volume across the country.  In 2006, she was an award winner for the International President's Circle- top 13% across the country in sales volume. In 2005, she was awarded Rookie Of The Year of the entire North Shore region of Illinois. Also, awarded Top Marketing Specialist in her office. She has had such a strong come back after her fight with Cancer, she is an example to anyone who has ever been dealt bad cards in their life.

The one thing that has been missing in her life up until now is exercise.  Having taken the medicine for the depression that ensued as a side effect of the Tomaxifin, she started to put on weight.  As a perfectionist, this was very hard on her. With her very busy life, her friends stressed how important it was to put exercise in her daily schedule to control her stress and help with the weight. Susan also is the type, she has to take care of everyone else before herself. She is a one man band, well in this case, a one woman band. I stressed how important it was to take care of herself first, so she can continue to be there for others for the long term.  Finding the balance between taking care of herself verses caring for others has been an on-going process. Happens to a lot of us moms.   I wrote a blog, Take a Walk.  Susan read it and called me up.  She said, "I read your blog and that's it, I am doing it."  You probably can surmise at this point, when Susan sets her mind to it, she is unstoppable.  Recognizing how difficult it is to make it a priority in her already loaded daily schedule, Susan, after visiting her doctor for her four-year check up and seeing she was cancer free, sent out an e-mail to her friends. 

I am inviting all my friends, she declares, to celebrate with me in my five year anniversary of being cancer- free, by helping me raise $100,000.00 in taking on The Avon Walk For Breast Cancer, June of '08.  She has invited over 25 friends to participate with her.  She is on a mission,  not one, actually many. She is taking on her health and making walking a part of her life for the next year to prepare for the event.  By doing this as part of a group she is held accountable to her friends to ensure she prepares physically to take this on. She has publicly announced she is out to raise a very large sum for the foundation with the help of her friends.  The walk itself will accomplish a very special bonding experience to have with all her friends for two days.  An experience I promise you we all will never forget.

Susan is an inspiration to me and anyone who knows her. She wrote a chapter in a book, by Lori Ovitz, Facing The Mirror With Cancer. In this chapter she shares:

    "Lori Ovitz's visit enabled me to learn how to apply my make up in a very short period of time. Looking good and feeling good are a part of dealing with the many challenges that life during chemotherapy presents."

Lori helped her feel attractive by showing her how to apply make-up, even though she had no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes. Susan's friend, Michelle, states in this book:

"After my close friend Susan was diagnosed with breast cancer I could not sit on the sideline. I was honored to be able to send Lori to her home, watching her magical touch as she brought my girlfriend’s face back to life…..through the hardship of breast cancer, three women’s lives have been interwoven. We are truly blessed: Susan, Lori and I."
Michele Fisher

Susan has taken this life threatening experience and used it  to make herself stronger. After her recovery, she took on wanting to help others who are now going through the same trials and tribulations that come from getting breast cancer.  We, her friends, will be at her side, supporting her and what she stands for in life and love as we take on The Avon Walk For Breast Cancer next year.  Susan is a survivor and now a fighter.

If you are inspired by Susan and her story and think you too want to take on the challenge of  The Avon Walk For Breast Cancer, it will be good for your health and you will be donating to a worthy cause.  Do like Susan and form a group of friends to do it with. Bonus-The preparation to do the walk will put your body in shape. It will be an experience of a life time - for a lifetime.

An invasive case of breast cancer is diagnosed in the US every three minutes. One in eight women will be afflicted with breast cancer at some point in their life.  It is the leading cause of death due to cancer among women.  We are going to put up a fight!!!   Come join us. If you are interested in donating to the cause, just e-mail Susan at: [email protected].

Here is a web site I found to prepare all interested parties for this two-day challenge.  GO FOR IT!!!!  You will see us there!

                                                 Prepare For The Avon Walk

At This Point The Deadline In Iraq Is Pure Negligence

Are we seriously realizing our risk at home if we pull our troops out of Iraq in the midst of a civil war? I have read about the record numbers of American troops killed in Iraq this month.  How can this number not be disturbing?  The fighting that is going on there is painful to hear, painful to read about.   The common belief among the public is that we should pull out of Iraq now, and this was a disasterous mistake. What are we doing there, are we just costing us more tax dollars and having more of our military people dying?  With all this criticism and resentment building, President Bush still takes the heat with the Democrats striking hard, and even some Republicans joining in, but he holds the line in staying the course with stabilizing Iraq.  He vetoes Iraq Withdrawal Legislation, with congress putting up a strong fight demanding troop removal. A friend sent me an article today, knowing my stance and interest in American troops being in Iraq today.  We the public, here at home, are not in Iraq fighting this war.  How are we to know how to fight this war or for how long?  Sometimes having a little knowledge is dangerous, we think we know better, when we don't. Little do we realize how much we are still speaking out of ignorance. Kudos to Senator Joe Lieberman for sharing with Congress and President Bush what is really going on in Iraq and why we need to be there without a random deadline. Given this is not what the majority of Democrats are preaching right now,  you have to give the guy credit for speaking from his conscience and not just by his party line. (On a personal note, I have voiced before and will voice again, I do not vote by party alone).

 

[Image Removed] Special to The Daily Standard
Senator Joe Lieberman's Senate floor speech on Iraq.
04/26/2007 12:00:00 AM



Senator Joe Lieberman (ID-CT) today addressed the Iraq withdrawal
provision in the supplemental appropriations bill on the floor of the
U.S. Senate.

  Below is the full text of Senator Lieberman's speech, as prepared for
delivery:

  "Mr. President, the supplemental appropriations bill we are debating
today contains language that would have Congress take control of the
direction of our military strategy in Iraq.

  Earlier this week the Senate Majority Leader spoke at the Woodrow
Wilson Center and laid out the case for why he believes we must do
this--why the bill now before this chamber, in his view, offers a
viable alternative strategy for Iraq.

  I have great respect for my friend from Nevada. I believe he has
offered this proposal in good faith, and therefore want to take it up
in good faith, and examine its arguments and ideas carefully and in
depth, for this is a very serious discussion for our country.

  In his speech Monday, the Majority Leader described the several steps
that this new strategy for Iraq would entail. Its first step, he said,
is to "transition the U.S. mission away from policing a civil war--to
training and equipping Iraqi security forces, protecting U.S. forces,
and conducting targeted counter-terror operations."

  I ask my colleagues to take a step back for a moment and consider this
plan.

  When we say that U.S. troops shouldn't be "policing a civil war," that
their operations should be restricted to this narrow list of missions,
what does this actually mean?

  To begin with, it means that our troops will not be allowed to protect
the Iraqi people from the insurgents and militias who are trying to
terrorize and kill them. Instead of restoring basic security, which
General Petraeus has argued should be the central focus of any
counterinsurgency campaign, it means our soldiers would instead be
ordered, by force of this proposed law, not to stop the sectarian
violence happening all around them--no matter how vicious or horrific
it becomes.

  In short, it means telling our troops to deliberately and consciously
turn their backs on ethnic cleansing, to turn their backs on the
slaughter of innocent civilians--men, women, and children singled out
and killed on the basis of their religion alone. It means turning our
backs on the policies that led us to intervene in the civil war in
Yugoslavia in the 1990s, the principles that today lead many of us to
call for intervention in Darfur.

This makes no moral sense at all.

It also makes no strategic or military sense either.

  Al Qaeda's own leaders have repeatedly said that one of the ways they
intend to achieve victory in Iraq is to provoke civil war. They are
trying to kill as many people as possible today, precisely in the hope
of igniting sectarian violence, because they know that this is their
best way to collapse Iraq's political center, overthrow Iraq's elected
government, radicalize its population, and create a failed state in the
heart of the Middle East that they can use as a base.

  That is why Al Qaeda blew up the Golden Mosque in Samarra last year.
And that is why we are seeing mass casualty suicide bombings by Al
Qaeda in Baghdad now.

I have hated the idea of a deadline at this point all along.  I am glad to hear someone with a great mind is able to aptly explain the dangers involved in setting such an arbitrary date at this time.

  The sectarian violence that the Majority Leader says he wants to order
American troops to stop policing, in other words, is the very same
sectarian violence that Al Qaeda hopes to ride to victory. The
suggestion that we can draw a bright legislative line between stopping
terrorists in Iraq and stopping civil war in Iraq flies in the face of
this reality.

  I do not know how to say it more plainly: it is Al Qaeda that is
trying to cause a full-fledged civil war in Iraq.

  The Majority Leader said on Monday that he believes U.S. troops will
still be able to conduct "targeted counter-terror operations" under his
plan. Even if we stop trying to protect civilians in Iraq, in other
words, we can still go after the bad guys.

  But again, I ask my colleagues, how would this translate into military
reality on the ground? How would we find these terrorists, who do not
gather on conventional military bases or fight in conventional
formations?

  By definition, targeted counterterrorism requires our forces to know
where, when, and against whom to strike--and that in turn requires
accurate, actionable, real-time intelligence.

  This is the kind of intelligence that can only come from ordinary
Iraqis, the sea of people among whom the terrorists hide. And that, in
turn, requires interacting with the Iraqi people on a close, personal,
daily basis. It requires winning individual Iraqis to our side, gaining
their trust, convincing them that they can count on us to keep them
safe from the terrorists if they share valuable information about them.
This is no great secret. This is at the heart of the new strategy that
General Petraeus and his troops are carrying out.

  And yet, if we pass this legislation, according to the Majority
Leader, U.S. forces will no longer be permitted to patrol Iraq's
neighborhoods or protect Iraqi civilians. They won't, in his words, be
"interjecting themselves between warring factions" or "trying to sort
friend from foe."

  Therefore, I ask the supporters of this legislation: How, exactly, are
U.S. forces to gather intelligence about where, when, and against whom
to strike, after you have ordered them walled off from the Iraqi
population? How, exactly, are U.S. forces to carry out targeted
counter-terror operations, after you have ordered them cut off from the
very source of intelligence that drives these operations?

  This is precisely why the congressional micromanagement of
life-and-death decisions about how, where, and when our troops can
fight is such a bad idea, especially on a complex and changing
battlefield.

  In sum, you can't have it both ways. You can't withdraw combat troops
from Iraq and still fight Al Qaeda there. If you believe there is no
hope of winning in Iraq, or that the costs of victory there are not
worth it, then you should be for complete withdrawal as soon as
possible.

There is another irony here as well.

  For most of the past four years, under Defense Secretary Rumsfeld, the
United States did not try to establish basic security in Iraq. Rather
than deploying enough troops necessary to protect the Iraqi people, the
focus of our military has been on training and equipping Iraqi forces,
protecting our own forces, and conducting targeted sweeps and raids--in
other words, the very same missions proposed by the proponents of the
legislation before us.

  That strategy failed--and we know why it failed. It failed because we
didn't have enough troops to ensure security, which in turn created an
opening for Al Qaeda and its allies to exploit. They stepped into this
security vacuum and, through horrific violence, created a climate of
fear and insecurity in which political and economic progress became
impossible.

  For years, many members of Congress recognized this. We talked about
this. We called for more troops, and a new strategy, and--for that
matter--a new secretary of defense.

  And yet, now, just as President Bush has come around--just as he has
recognized the mistakes his administration has made, and the need to
focus on basic security in Iraq, and to install a new secretary of
defense and a new commander in Iraq--now his critics in Congress have
changed their minds and decided that the old, failed strategy wasn't so
bad after all.

  What is going on here? What has changed so that the strategy that we
criticized and rejected in 2006 suddenly makes sense in 2007?

  The second element in the plan outlined by the Majority Leader on
Monday is "the phased redeployment of our troops no later than October
1, 2007."

  Let us be absolutely clear what this means. This legislation would
impose a binding deadline for U.S. troops to begin retreating from
Iraq. This withdrawal would happen regardless of conditions on the
ground, regardless of the recommendations of General Petraeus, in short
regardless of reality on October 1, 2007.

  As far as I can tell, none of the supporters of withdrawal have
attempted to explain why October 1 is the magic date--what strategic or
military significance this holds. Why not September 1? Or January 1?
This is a date as arbitrary as it is inflexible--a deadline for defeat.

  How do proponents of this deadline defend it? On Monday, Senator Reid
gave several reasons. First, he said, a date for withdrawal puts
"pressure on the Iraqis to make the desperately needed political
compromises."

  But will it? According to the legislation now before us, the
withdrawal will happen regardless of what the Iraqi government does.

  How, then, if you are an Iraqi government official, does this give you
any incentive to make the right choices?

  On the contrary, there is compelling reason to think a legislatively
directed withdrawal of American troops will have exactly the opposite
effect than its Senate sponsors intend.

  This, in fact, is exactly what the most recent National Intelligence
Estimate on Iraq predicted. A withdrawal of U.S. troops in the months
ahead, it said, would "almost certainly lead to a significant increase
in the scale and scope of sectarian conflict, intensify Sunni
resistance, and have adverse effects on national reconciliation."

  Second, the Majority Leader said that withdrawing our troops, and
again I quote, will "reduce the specter of the U.S. occupation which
gives fuel to the insurgency."

  My colleague from Nevada, in other words, is suggesting that the
insurgency is being provoked by the very presence of American troops.
By diminishing that presence, then, he believes the insurgency will
diminish.

  But I ask my colleagues--where is the evidence to support this theory?
Since 2003, and before General Petraeus took command, U.S. forces were
ordered on several occasions to pull back from Iraqi cities and
regions, including Mosul and Fallujah and Tel'Afar and Baghdad. And
what happened in these places? Did they stabilize when American troops
left? Did the insurgency go away?

  On the contrary--in each of these places where U.S. forces pulled
back, Al Qaeda rushed in. Rather than becoming islands of peace, they
became safe havens for terrorists, islands of fear and violence.

  So I ask advocates of withdrawal: on what evidence, on what data, have
you concluded that pulling U.S. troops out will weaken the insurgency,
when every single experience we have had since 2003 suggests that this
legislation will strengthen it?

  Consider the words of Sheikh Abdul Sattar, one of the leading Sunni
tribal leaders in Anbar province who is now fighting on our side
against Al Qaeda. This is what he told the New York Times when asked
last month what would happen if U.S. troops withdraw. "In my personal
opinion, and in the opinion of most of the wise men of Anbar," he said,
"if the American forces leave right now, there will be civil war and
the area will fall into total chaos."

  This is a man whose father was killed by Al Qaeda, who is risking his
life every day to work with us--a man who was described by one Army
officer as "the most effective local leader in Ramadi I believe the
coalition has worked with in Anbar [since] 2003."

  In his remarks earlier this week, the Majority Leader observed that
there is "a large and growing population of millions--who sit
precariously on the fence. They will either condemn or contribute to
terrorism in the years ahead. We must convince them of the goodness of
America and Americans. We must win them over."

  On this, I completely agree with my friend from Nevada. My question to
him, however, and to the supporters of this legislation, is this: how
does the strategy you propose in this bill possibly help win over this
population of millions in Iraq, who sit precariously on the fence?

  What message, I ask, does this legislation announce to those people in
Iraq? How will they respond when we tell them that we will no longer
make any effort to protect them against insurgents and death squads?
How will they respond when we declare that we will be withdrawing our
forces--regardless of whether they make progress in the next six months
towards political reconciliation? Where will their hopes for a better
life be when we withdraw the troops that are the necessary precondition
for the security and stability they yearn for?

  Do my friends really believe that this is the way to convince Iraqis,
and the world, of the goodness of America and Americans? Does anyone in
this chamber really believe that, by announcing a date certain for
withdrawal, we will empower Iraqi moderates, or enable Iraq's
reconstruction, or open more schools for their children, or more
hospitals for their families, or freedom for everyone?



Mr. President, with all due respect, this is fantasy.

  The third step the Majority Leader proposes is to impose "tangible,
measurable, and achievable benchmarks on the Iraqi government."

  I am all for such benchmarks. In fact, Senator McCain and I were among
the first to propose legislation to apply such benchmarks on the Iraqi
government.

  But I don't see how this plan will encourage Iraqis to meet these or
any other benchmarks, given its ironclad commitment to abandon
them--regardless of how they behave.

  We should of course be making every effort to encourage reconciliation
in Iraq and the development of a decent political order that Sunnis,
Shiites, and Kurds can agree on.

  But even if today that political solution was found, we cannot
rationally think that our terrorist enemies like Al Qaeda in Iraq will
simply vanish.

  Al Qaeda is not mass murdering civilians on the streets of Baghdad
because it wants a more equitable distribution of oil revenues. Its aim
in Iraq is not to get a seat at the political table.

  It wants to blow up the table--along with everyone seated at it. Al
Qaeda wants to destroy any prospect for democracy in Iraq, and it will
not be negotiated or reasoned out of existence. It must be fought and
defeated through force of arms. And there can be no withdrawal, no
redeployment from this reality.

  The fourth step that the Majority Leader proposed on Monday is a
"diplomatic, economic, and political offensive starting with a regional
conference working toward a long-term framework for stability in the
region."

  I understand why we are tempted by these ideas. All of us are aware of
the justified frustration, fatigue, and disappointment of the American
people. And all of us would like to believe that there is a quick and
easy solution to the challenges we face in Iraq.

  But none of this gives us an excuse to paper over hard truths. We
delude ourselves if we think we can wave a legislative wand and
suddenly our troops in the field will be able to distinguish between Al
Qaeda terrorism and sectarian violence, or that Iraqis will suddenly
settle their political differences because our troops are leaving, or
that sweet reason alone will suddenly convince Iran and Syria to stop
destabilizing Iraq.

  Mr. President, what we need now is a sober assessment of the progress
we have made and a recognition of the challenges we face. There are
still many uncertainties before us, many complexities. Barely half of
the new troops that General Petraeus has requested have even arrived in
Iraq, and, as we heard from him yesterday, it will still be months
before we will know just how effective his new strategy is.

  In following General Petraeus' path, there is no guarantee of
success--but there is hope, and a new plan, for success.

  The plan embedded in this legislation, on the other hand, contains no
such hope. It is a strategy of catchphrases and bromides, rather than
military realities in Iraq. It does not learn from the many mistakes we
have made in Iraq. Rather, it promises to repeat them.

  Let me be absolutely clear: In my opinion, Iraq is not yet lost--but
if we follow this plan, it will be. And so, I fear, much of our hope
for stability in the Middle East and security from terrorism here at
home.

I yield the floor."

Teenage Drinking Ends in Tragic Death

Close to home, where I have lived for over 13 years, a tragic death of an inebriated teen happened once again. A group of teens came up with a zany idea to drink and then go on top of a warehouse roof to see the city lights-this is what happened next: Delay In Rescue Of Girl  The result is a 17 year old girl dying from a tragic accident.  Sadly, she had fallen through a skylight that gave in to her weight and dropped five stories. For over two hours her friends refused to call 911, due to their being in an alcoholic state and not wanting to be caught. Forever, the question will be unanswered - would they have saved her life had they called for help sooner?  No one will know for certain, ever.

The issue of alcohol and teenagers has been around for as long as I can remember.  It still pains you to hear of unnecessary deaths of teens who could have really impacted this world in a positive way, if it were not for some careless behavior that lead them to an early death. I look at the events that occurred for this group of teens and wonder why the heck they were out in the city at midnight in the first place.  Their curfew was midnight.  I have learned, through friends, the group went up to get a clear view of the city skyline at night. They gained entrance to the roof by someone connected to a person who owned one of the adjacent spaces to the warehouse, where this girl had fallen in.  Okay, so now they are on the roof.  What next- they decide to walk on large pains of glass?  Alcohol certainly blinded them to the risks they were taking.  Logic did not come into play. I think the worse part about drugs and alcohol is how they do blind our senses. 

I have tried my best so far to instill in my children the need to always calculate the risk/reward ratio in anything they take on in life. If only they don't succumb to peer pressure. I am sure this played into this tragic scenario last weekend. What is the worse thing that can happen for the trade-off of the reward you are aspiring for? Life is risky enough when you are sober and clear headed, add a drug of some sort and how can one accurately gage the risks they are taking?  So many unnecessary tragic deaths have occurred in our area in recent years to teenagers.  It is painful to hear.  It angers me.  My kids have not passed through there teenage years fully at this point, so surly I cannot say I have been successful in my ways as of yet. However, I hope they can learn from the teenagers who lost their lives, the dangers of drugs and alcohol.

This is the glass pane the girl fell through. Why did the kids risk walking on this glass skylight, five stories high?  Nothing is worth dying for! I cannot imagine how the teenagers that were with this girl who died will ever get over their part in her death.  It will forever haunt them.  Was the risk worth the reward?  Lastly, given they were in a drunken state, they refused to call 911 for help, they did not want to get caught under the influence. They abandoned their friend in her greatest hour of need.  Over two hours passed before someone who was not a friend of this girl called 911 for help.  They look selfish, negligent, dishonest, and weak.  How will they get past who they were for trying to cover up their own mistakes here? 

This is a sad and tragic real life story to add to the novel of tragic and unnecessary deaths that occur from teenage drinking. This beautiful girl will never set foot on this earth again. Many will forever morn her loss. Share this story with your pre-teen or teen.  It is one more reason not to go out with  friends and take on illegal substances for the cheap thrill one can get.  It is not worth dying for.   

The Danger Of What Our Children Are Exposed To

I am deeply saddened by the tragic shooting of over 40 people at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg VA.  Not only am I saddened and angered, I am deeply disturbed. I am sure I am not alone in this.  I have read in depth on the massacre and  what the student, Cho Seung-Hui wrote as to why he took on such a grizzly act. He was seriously mentally ill and obviously a threat to society for a few years now.  There are two major concerns that stand out for me.  One-why was the school or the police, after being notified of the disturbing behavior he was demonstrating, not able to have better control over this person and the people he was associated with? Should a private investigator, or monitor of some sort been assigned to keep an eye on him? The other concern, a serious concern, is where did all this anger- rage originate? 

The only way to put an end to tragedies like this from occurring is to have an educated understanding on what events lead a person in becoming so angry that he takes on killing so many people including himself. We need to have preventative measures taking place in society to lessen the chances of people taking on mass murders for revenge. It will have to be implemented in the schools, starting in grade school. In one study, I read that they have found a high correlation with high school shooters being kids with a history of being teased and picked on. We are forced to study the life of this killer prior to this disastrous event. Too easy to say he was just a sick man and not look further. However, if we only look to blame him and call him emotionally disturbed, and do not dig further for the responsibility society plays into it, we will see more and more of these events occurring in the future.  And tragically so, the amount being killed in these scenarios is becoming greater.

Bullying is abuse!.  I was not surprised in the least to see there were suggestions in his writing of being picked on and bullied. How haunting were his words, "You have vandalized my heart, raped my soul and torched my conscience," he goes on to say, "You thought it was one pathetic boy's life you were extinguishing, Thanks to you I die like Jesus Christ, to inspire generations of the weak and the defenseless people." We may call him sick and deranged, and choose to play down those words.  What I hear is someone who felt trampled on. I saw no hope of ever being accepted. He was someone who over time has been seriously wounded and wanted to hurt back.  I hope there is a full investigation into his childhood and what significant events took place or what seemed insignificant and how it truly ended up creating a young adult- out to retaliate against all his aggressors.

The most recent report on how Cho was bullied came out in an article on AOL today:

Classmates in Virginia , where Cho grew up, said he was teased and picked on, apparently because of shyness and his strange, mumbly way of speaking.

Once, in English class at Westfield High School in Chantilly, Va., when the teacher had the students read aloud, Cho looked down when it was his turn, said Chris Davids, a Virginia Tech senior and high school classmate. After the teacher threatened him with an F for participation, Cho began reading in a strange, deep voice that sounded "like he had something in his mouth," Davids said.

"The whole class started laughing and pointing and saying, `Go back to China,"' Davids said.

This is a sad event for us all on a universal level.  He is a statistic in society now, an ugly statistic. We have failed him and his victims. He is one who felt he had to harm others in revenge and then take his own life to send a strong message to we the living. There has been controversey as to weather airing it on TV is appropriate.  I think with responsible reporting we can learn from this.  How can we in society make changes and take on preventive measures so children do not evolve into angry, hostile and vengeful adults? Where were the teachers and the administration to support Cho through hard times through grade school and then high school?  Why was teasing and bullying tolerated?  Why was there no one to teach him coping mechanisms to handle such difficult situations?  Why did the bullies not  have serious consequences for their actions? Lastly, we need to figure out how to stop copy cat crimes.  Where it becomes trendy to follow what other offenders have done. We need to stop the vicious cycle of mass killings of students.

One of my children had been bullied in middle school.  One incident was, a group of boys took on spitting on my seventh grader's food at lunch during school, resulting in their being punished.  What followed was other boys, friends of the perpetrators, pushing my kid into lockers in the hallways between classes retaliating for the boys being punished.  I remember the pain my child felt, the anger-humilation. After the incident, he did not want to go to school and would yell at me saying so. He said he hated school.  I spoke with the administrators of the school.  They were having issues with boys in the class and how newcomers to the school were having difficulty fitting in and being accepted.  They explained how this year specifically they were having problems with the boys in the class. The good thing was how serious the school took it on, making sure my child could be comfortable in the school once again. They talked with all the parents and all the instigators and serious consequences resulted.  They hooked my child up with other kids during lunchtime.  They brought in specialists to work on handling the bullying that was going on. With all the crisis management the school took on, I think for my child he still has a sensitivity to being teased years later.

The wounds from such bullying go deep. I removed my child from the class he was in and put him in another school, where he is accepted, having fun with others and thriving.  But I will never forget the emotional damage and the duration it took to heal from his  middle school bullies. He would share how they all laughed at him as they were hurting him, crying as he shared the tale. Bullying in school needs to be monitored and controlled.  Right now I have a friend dealing with the same kind of issue with her son in sixth grade, I see the pain in her face as she shares how  a child has threatened her son and picked on him. She is keeping a close eye on the day to day events he experiences. Sadly, the school denies anything she has said about what has happened with him. And yet her child fears going into certain classes each and every day. I believe the school is doing themselves a disservice and the children that attend the school. At the very least their response should be, we have not seen it as of yet, we want all our children to feel safe and welcome here.  We will take a serious look at what happens during these classes and how your child is being treated. How difficult would that be?

Is it that these killers are kids that tried for years to be accepted and were only teased and bullied? Their sadness and frustration evolves into anger and resentment.  No longer able to get positive attention they seek negative attention.  Which would explain the gory plays Cho wrote, or how he would take pictures of girls legs etc. making classmates uncomfortable.  His resentment festered into evil thoughts on how to retaliate and eventually did.

The family has finally spoken.  His sister pointed out how they were a peaceful loving family, she further went on to say how Cho was quiet and reserved yet struggled to fit in.

For further understanding on the tragedies that come with being bullied or being the bully, check out this unfortunate but true story in paper back, Bully: Does Anyone Deserve To Die? A True Story of High School Revenge, by Jim Schutze. Possibly schools should have required reading on the topic.

Children are a product of their genes and then in society with what they are exposed to. Seriously, though, how many babies or toddlers for that matter do you look at and feel deeply concerned they may kill 30 or so people in anger with a gun in years to come? How about when they are five for that matter? You know, the age we say, basically who they are is pretty much determined by then. I have never.  I believe come the school years, what children are exposed to plays a major role in how they behave later in life.  We let our children into society for the majority of their day starting at 6 years old.  They are home but a few hours with their parents.  We therefore lose a lot of control over what events happen during their day and the effects they have. It is not only during school, but after school.  They are exposed to music and movies and TV that as far as I am concerned have totally inappropriate material for their impressionable minds to be exposed to. If they are not exposed in their own home they will be exposed in a friends home.

At what point will we as a society step in and refuse certain material to be watched , heard or seen by our children of all ages? We complain of how sexually active our children are being at younger and younger ages.  We get angered by the violence they express towards their peers in words or actions.  This is a reflection of what they have been exposed to coming out in their acts. We need to limit the graphic material our children are exposed to.  It starts at home, but  that is not enough.  There is power in numbers.  We need to gather together and shut down the sites that expose our children to inappropriate material that leads them on a bad path toward destruction to themselves or others. I am talking about sites on the computer, on TV on the radio. Right now I have to go into a school and notify them I am disturbed by the sexually explicit music that is being played during middle school sporting events. What kind of example are we setting allowing such music to shout from the school speakers? 

How many disturbing events will take place before we recognize the need to band together for the sake of all and make sure we better control what our children see, hear, or experience?  With the freedoms we are allowed in society-we are therefore also given the responsibility to monitor on our own what we will tolerate and what we will not. We need to notify the schools when we see something inappropriate taking place. Shut down the channels on the TV or the sites on the computer that contain inappropriate material. If we refuse to watch this stuff the shows will be taken off the air given there is no audience. We have power. We need to take action-every little bit counts!  Does it anger you to hear how the actions of Cho, who killed all these students, emulated people in movies?  Cho had a photo of himself that he sent to NBC where he held a hammer, he posed like the guy in a South Korean Film, "Old Boy".  How often do we see our kids act out actions they see on film after the viewing?  What they are exposed to is impressed on their minds. The more they are exposed to certain behaviors the more it appears natural to them. 

This is an awful way to have to learn  lessons, but shameful if we don't. We need to recognize the problem  early on, during grade school years. Early intervention can save many lives.  Coping mechanisms need to be taught to those who have been mistreated.  A zero tolerance policy  need to be enforced against any abuse in the classroom or any other organized setting. Lastly, for those who walk around angry and depressed, we need to be able to identify them and get them help before it is too late for them and anyone else around them.  God help us all.

My heart goes out to all the victims and their loved ones.  The pain will be felt for years to come.

In Spite of the Nay Sayers, We Are Showing Progress in Iraq

Recently, I wrote a blog about the public smearing the President's name and proclaiming the war in Iraq as a mistake, check out my blog, The War In Iraq.  I have had people write me about this blog in agreement with my feelings.  This came as somewhat of a surprise, as the people who are agreeable with what Bush and his administration are doing in Iraq seem few and far between.  I was fortunate to have one reader send to me an article written in The Washington Post, Turning the Corner in Iraq:Democrats are Ignoring Real Progress.

This article put a smile on my face.  As I shared with my readers earlier, the people serving over there that I have spoken to want to go back, and have.  They have reported they are making a difference over there in many ways, training the army, providing security so the new government can function, and more.  And for our future security, we need to make sure the new government can function under stabile conditions before they leave. Given I have not been there myself, I have felt it necessary to give weight to what they share as they are living it.  I only know what I know from the news. 

Once again, Iam left disenchanted with our established system for elections and our short terms for elected officials. The four year term for President does not seem long enough for me.  There is always the year before elections that seems so unnatural.  It seems we always are faced with power struggles between the Democrats and the Republicans, that the needs of our people as a whole becomes secondary.  There is all this propaganda that is being sold to the public.  There is a hold back on doing necessary things due to how it may effect the future vote. There is the lame-duck congress.  I get so aggravated by this whole scenario until one of my friends eventually points out to me the reality that America is still the best country to live in on this planet, even with all our idiosyncrasies.  This is true.

I have felt there has been posturing going on between the parties using the war and the issues of Iraq as a way to gain more influence over the public for the coming election. A lot of pessimism has been sold to the public: that we are in another Vietnam,  that this is all about oil, that we make money selling guns and machines to terrorists to fight the war so we continue on.  I can go on and on. It is easy to buy in on these statements, if we are not fully informed on all the actions going on in Iraq.  This is why, having the article written by Charles Krauthammer gives me a feeling of vindication.  I really do hope we make a difference over there, a profound difference.  The people living under "Sadman Insane" were living a meager existence and in fear of being iniolated for the most absurd of reasons.  They are due a descent living. The problem is it will take time.  Our patience is running out. We have to be careful.  Do leave before the job is finished due to our impatience, may cause for a serious regression in stability over there and therefore hurt the Iraqi people far worse.  We need to finish the job we started.

I still have many ask, why are we the ones that have to go in, why is it always America? For me this is not so difficult to understand.  We have so much, we are one of the bigger guys.  The bigger guys should look out for the little guys.  We were raised with this understanding since we were youths. We also have so much in America , it is easy to be envious of us. If we are not out to make a difference to help those suffering, foreigners may want to take us down. Envy is the root of all evil. 

We are making progress. Our boys (and girls) will be out, eventually. Hopefully, in years to come, we will be proud of what we accomplished in Iraq.  I know how Bush is taking a lot of heat today. It will take years before we get an accurate read on how well we did in taking out a grizzly dictator prone to cleansing campaigns that killed tens of thousands and then rebuilding a government that was safer for the people- where people did not have to live in fear and could openly speak their minds. 

Bashing The President, Killing Our Soldiers

President Bush is being totally bashed now by more and more of the populace. It has become the "In Thing" to bash him. I just read in a news article he has had a very low approval rating for the last three months, less than 40%.  I fear for our country when we publicly bash our leaders.  I also fear for the soldiers fighting for us in Iraq as well.  Our negativism toward our president only fuels the terrorists hatred, and feelings of entitlement to keep sending suicide bombers and making attacks, as Iraq tries to get back on it's feet once again.

People die in war. It is a fact, a miserable one.   We have lived, for the most part, quite comfortable.  The majority of the population has not had to deal with a war like this ever in their lives. Even Vietnam was decades ago. We can thank those who fought for our stability and security that are no longer with us. We only need to read history books to find out how many fought for the comfortable lives we have had for so long. When we  started the war in Iraq, most of America was for it, Democrat and Republican alike.  911 woke us up to the fact we are not invincible. We wanted to fight back. I don't think any of us were prepared for the fact, taking out their leader, a grizzly dictator, Saddam Hussein, and trying to build a new government was going to take so many lives of our soldiers.  And, that getting Iraq to stabilize in the aftermath would take years.

I think leaders make unpopular decisions at times. President Bush has had to go through some hard times and has been put in the difficult position of making tough decisions. I am one of the few that respect what Bush is doing.  He is working on rebuilding Iraq. Given we started this deal, I think it would be inhumane to leave before Iraq is stable enough to go it alone.  Rebuilding Iraq will take time.  The President will make errors, have to learn some hard lessons, and have to take all our complaints and indignation.  I think the most difficult thing for him as President is he cannot fully share what he is doing, and why he is doing it all the time ,as it only gives information to the people we are fighting, and therefore works against us. How tricky and personally frustrating it must be for the President to maneuver in such a situation, an untenable situation. 

Recently, Several people holding government positions, who have helped the President fight this war have been let go for their part in the goings on in Iraq.  So many guys to take the fall. Somehow, it is supposed to give us some sense of security that things will change for the better if we get rid of this person or that.  Has anyone thought that now new guys have to come in and learn from point zero?  How are they supposed to do any better? 

There has been a lot of talk about the war being "unwinnable."  I promise you, if we say it is unwinnable we create, in fact, that it will be unwinnable.  We create our realities. I won't say it, because I know there is power in making it so just by the declaration of it.  And that is not a reality I want to live in to.  I say, it is not about winning at all. Not at this point, It is about getting Iraq on it's feet.  A while back, I read a book called, A Hundred And One Days, a Norwegian journalist wrote the book.  She was there a couple of months prior to the war and through several months that followed. 

In the book, she discussed how their government had regressed back to twenty years prior.  How people were dieing if they opened their mouth and criticized Saddam Hussein.  How the Iraqi people wanted us to help them, an yet hated us. One reason is there is brain washing about the ways of the West, the other is, it was showing the world how powerless they were in their own country.  How humiliating it must have been for them. Basically, it was come in, take our leader out, and get the hell out of here.  How naive on their part.  Of course, the problem would be in getting a new government going, and that does not happen over night. 

I find it frightening the power the extremists have over in Iraq and in the Middle East. I listened to our Congressman last week and how he said that is was surprising how many soldiers that were in Iraq wanted to return there after they came back to America. My brother has friends who are in the forces.  They insist we need to be there to get things to settle or the terrorists will be heading our way, on our land. Read The Terrorist Hunter, there are many people living in America today that are Anti-American.  It is frightening to say the least. The men in service again and again have said they are making a difference over there and are proud of it. One of my brother's friends lost partial feeling in one of his arms and hand.  He went back willingly.  These guys open my eyes. They are there risking their lives and want to go back. I only know what I read in the paper and hear on the news.

So much of what we read and see on the news is to stir up emotion and make head lines.  Pictures and videotape of people dieing surly will sicken us.  That is a 100% guarantee.  Over time it has made us decide we don't belong there-this war was a mistake- Bush is crazy and now working against us.  I wonder at times if I am truly one of the few that know I know very little about this war, I only know what I've been told. I don't feel I have much room to throw around any opinion.  I am not a soldier and my experience with war is nil. I feel it necessary to have faith in the President, he has the best advisers at his disposable to make his decisions. This is a complex situation, I expect it getting sticky at times.

Prime Minister Blair came to America and had a press conference.  He renewed my faith in our President and our reason for being in Iraq. It is taking time to get things settled.  Rome was not built in a day, why should we believe Iraq can be? I will tell you what though, our bashing of the President will only slow the progress.  That I am a firm believer of.  We cannot just support the soldiers there, we have to support getting the job done. Where is the faith?

I did a seminar once and we learned this, It "is" what you say it is.  We create our realities.  If we say it is unwinnable we will create "it is unwinnable. "  I refuse to say it.  Too many of our soldiers have died for it to NOT be unwinnable.  In their name, I just refuse.  I say, we will help build a new government there, make a difference, and will stand behind those words.

I don't fear not being part of the majority, I never have. I think in many ways in my life, it has helped me.  It never hurts to have a different perspective and at times it opens people's eyes to something they were not seeing.  I believe we started this war believing it was necessary, took out a leader and the government toppled with us being there.  I respect Bush being there to get the government back on it's feet now.  It seems the respectable thing to do.  It is awful that people have to die.  I don't blame Bush for the troubles in Iraq today.  I blame it on humanity as it stands now.  I have little respect for the United Nations and their ability to make necessary changes around the world.  As the world is getting smaller the need for the United Nations to monitor and control things globally becomes a geater necessity.  There should universal moral codes that are upheld. Our soldiers are being killed by other human beings in such destructive ways in Iraq.  I am not mad at Bush. I am mad at the United Nations for having greater control over groups around the world that kill people for obscene reasons, and in such ghastly ways.

I have read many books on the war.  Cobra II was quite an eye opening book. It's hard on the President.  But America wanted to initiate this war, no doubt. At least in reading this book you become more educated on the facts. It makes you realize how little information we the public really have. Keep in mind, does the president jeopardize his strategy by sharing all the facts? After reading this book, I keep up with the news daily. I listen to the guys who were there fighting and still are. I wonder how many Americans realize how little knowledge they have to go on before making their opinions on President Bush and weather we should still be in Iraq now.

If we leave early, will things regress to where they were before we came in in the first place? What a shame that would be.  How many lives have we lost just to have the result be a civil war that leaves Iraq worse than where it was when we arrived? And by leaving while things are a mess, are we showing the terrorists that their ways of handling things is powerful enough to make America retreat ?  Therefore, having them strike again and again like this in Iraq and elsewhere? I will say this,  I have respect for the President.  Can you imagine being in his shoes right now?  How difficult it must be coming up against all this criticism and public bashing and trying to make a difference in Iraq?  He is a strong man.  I respect him.  I have seen him again and again seek out information to determine what he should do next.  He has not given up.  He believes we need to be there and finish the job.

I don't believe the war is winnable because I don't believe at this time there is a win or loss to be had.  This idea seems ludicrous to me. I think we need to help Iraq get stable enough to get back on their feet.  Whatever it takes.  We started it over there, we should finish.  And the idea of it being done in one year or we should leave, I find this the most ignorant statement we can make.  We are telling the terrorists if you keep up what you are doing for one more year we are leaving and you can take over.  We are feeding them to come on hot and strong for a year, frighten the citizens there so they give in to them when we leave. We are creating more instability over there and destroying the progress we already have made when we push this one year dead line deal. Does anyone else see this?  Also, is it not arrogant of us to believe we can make things stabile enough in Iraq at this time, that we could possibly leave in one year?  New governments do not become stabile that quickly...show me any new government that thrived alone that quickly after their leader has been taken down.  I don't know of any.

War is ugly.  I feel for our President and the next one that comes in office.  It is not an easy thing to manage.  As for the Democrats...I would not want to be a Democrat and be the next President, not after all the bashing they have done to Bush anyway. (By the way, I don't vote on behalf of one party or the other) Iraq will not settle in a year or two or several years.  The next President will face problems just like Bush.  In time, he will not look pretty either.  To be the President is a very difficult job.  A job surely I would not want.  Three cheers for the President! He takes our shit and still stands on his beliefs, with a hell of a lot more information than any one of us citizens have on our own.

Here is my humble opinion about President Bush and Iraq. We wanted this war initially.  We went in and toppled the dictator.  But our work is not done. We are making progress. But there is a job to be finished. The negative opinion of our people is causing more deaths to our soldiers as we are feeding to the extremists we don't belong there and firing them up even more. We should stand for getting Iraq on it's feet before we leave. Show the soldiers that died in our name, their purpose there and the lives lost there was not in vain.  End of story.  Try on, if we say we can...We Can!

 

If You Cannot Visit Your Congressman In Person, Visit Him On The Web

How well do you know your Congressman or woman?  Do you know their stand on issues that matter to you? Have they been effective in Congress at serving your community? These answers are a fingertip away.  I was able to visit a website on our Congressman and find out very detailed information on many issues in our community, his stand, and how he has responded in Congress.  It was quite an informative experience for me.  Was it a first for me?  Yes. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I don't care on a regular basis about what is going on, it is always about the limited amount of time.  If you do care about what your Congressman is doing in Congress, at home, or what his stand is, don't hesitate to locate him on the web and find out.

I recently had the honor of meeting our Congressman, Mark Kirk, at a meeting at a friend's house.  Honestly, this was the first time I was able to listen to a congressman/woman face to face for a lengthy period of time.  It was a very enriching experience.

Mark Kirk represents the 10th Congressional District of Illinois. He is serving his fourth term. Many a times I have heard jokes about people in our government, and their inability to serve or other sarcasm.

Congressman Kirk is a very educated man, from Cornell,  who also holds a Masters Degree from The London School of Economics and a Law degree from Georgetown.  He has tons of experience in the government and also in the financial industry.  He is emerging as one of the leaders in Congress.

The more he had to say and share, the more respect and appreciation I had gained for him serving my community.  He is a straight up guy. He is very practical.  Explains how he votes from his heart and not by his party.  I have always wondered how one could fully agree with their party 100% of the time.  Personally, I don't vote by party, it seems too easy for the candidate.  I vote for the person. He/she has to prove himself/herself to me.  But I digress.  Back to the meeting with Mark. He shared his feelings about the war, about our rising gas prices, about problems with Lake Michigan, about our governmental leadership in America.  He is a well spoken person with a vast storehouse of knowledge. 

He spoke to the people in the room for an hour and a half and then took questions for 40 minutes longer.  This was not a fundraiser.  This was just a way for him to connect with the people he serves. In the question and answer session you could tell there were many well versed, intelligent people in the crowd.  He answered every one of them in a more than satisfactory matter.  He never missed a beat.  Every question was welcomed and responded to.  I gained such respect for this man, our congressman, and realized how fortunate we are to have him represent our interests in Congress.  There is such a difference from listening to all the propaganda or reading the papers about a person, verses meeting them and listening to them in person.  Bottom line-He is a stand up guy, with a passion for the community he serves. 

The war is a big issue right now for us in America.  Congressman Kirk is a Naval Reserve intelligence Officer who served during conflicts with Iraq, Haiti and Bosnia.  It gives me confidence to know a person who has served in the forces is representing us at this time. He feels we need to look to get out of Iraq.  When the time is right , I am in agreement. He explained how many changes have been made over the last month in our leadership when it comes to the war and the necessity for these changes. 

What I liked most about him was his absolute willingness to serve our community. He told a few people who brought up issues to contact him at his office, to continue further in conversations that were started.  He offered his willingness to listen to any issues or concerns we had.  Please contact me, he would say again and again. 

Honestly, over the years I have become a bit jaded by government and have felt I really don't know who I can trust.  It all seems such a "sell job," and then they serve and are not what you thought they would be.  Congressman Kirk renewed my faith in the people who serve our country.  It is not just a job for him.  He cares about our community. You could hear it in his voice. He shared many interesting facts with us, including our third highest spoken language in the area, Russian.  I surely did not know this.  He shared his concerns with Israel and the conflicts.  He shared his concerns about health care in America, how the poorest neighborhood in our area was a few miles from my home.  He educated us on the number of gangs there were in a nearby community.  He came across authentic and well educated on a myriad of significant topics. 

I left that meeting with a new found respect for our Congressman.  I went home and looked up his website.  The Internet is amazing.  To be in touch with people is surely at our fingertips.  So, I read his website.  I read more about issues of the day and his stand on them, and what he has done in Congress.  Once we vote in these people who represent us in Congress, we still have a say.  We surely can contact them and keep up on who they are being for us in Congress and at home.  I will look at his website more to keep up with the issues in our community and where our representative stands. 

I truly believe any concern I have I could contact him easily and would get a response.  Meeting with him renewed my faith in our leadership and made me feel that my opinion matters.  Don't hesitate to contact your representative.  If you are given an opportunity to listen to them in person, don't miss it.  I feel you get a much better picture of who they are in person, rather than the news. Look up their website on the Internet, and be in touch with the issues at hand, and how your representative is handling them.  Contact your Representative if you have an issue that matters to you.  Hopefully, you will feel the respect, confidence and appreciation that I felt when I met with ours. 

If you want to learn more about Mark Kirk, visit his blog here: Mark Kirk's Blog

   

The Holidays are Blessed Events

It is Easter Morning, and there is a special feeling in the air. Due to tradition, you can bet on it, I have Easter baskets for all my children to indulge in.  My Mom always had them for us kids all the way through college. It was something special we could always count on.  No way would I let this tradition stop. The day will start with lots of smiles.  Later today we will be spending Easter at my sister's house with her family and my parents.  I love the holidays.  The kid's sports are canceled for this occasion, and it finally gives us some time to spend with the rest of our extended family. Christmas seems like it was a year away, with our busy lives and all.  Tradition is truly the glue that keeps our bonds strong.

My sister and I have spoken the last few days about what we will be serving for Easter dinner. We spoke about the Easter egg hunt that will happen later today and all that it will entail. Many phone calls were made discussing the Easter meal we are preparing together. I think we spoke more on the phone the last few days then we spoke in three months.  The holiday has made our communication a necessity. I am grateful for it.  During the phone calls I slowly caught up with what my neice and nephew have been up to, and other members of our family. 

Good Friday is the day our family always decorates eggs. The kids are out of school. The act itself provides a setting for us all to do a project together.  It's always fun to decorate eggs.  It brings out the artist in all of us and we try to decorate an egg in a more unique fashion or better than the year before.  There are lots of smiles around the table. Lots of giggles with the inscriptions that are put on the eggs before coloring.  This year was  my daughter and her boyfriend with a heart on one, Cubs forever on another, Sox rule, and AIM names.  My kids are very proud of their AIM names. Bottom line is that it gave us an opportunity to enjoy one another in a relaxed setting.  The clock was slowed down for the occasion.

The other day, we spent Passover at my friend's house.  There were 30 people there. My daughter pointed out how fun it was and declared it as her favorite holiday of the year.  And there are no presents. It was due to the kids running around the house, finding the Afikomen together.  It was singing the songs at the table and watching Uncle Irving sing them out to the roof tops and getting a giggle out of it.  Everyone joined in singing the songs louder and louder until we were all practically screaming the chorus every time it came up. There is a service you participate at the table before the dinner.  Everyone is included in the service.  Every person recites more than one line from the Sedar books.  Every person is an integral part of the event. One family recites together one part, the next family recites the next part.  Then the children recite together certain parts and then the adults. Participating in the service is great fun.  Our host gave the children $2.00 bills as a reward for handing over the Afikomen. he bartered with all the kids what would be an appropriate amount to give to them in exchange of this treasure they have found. They love to feel the power! They  love getting the $2 dollar bills as they are unique.  And they are cut off a sheet our host buys once a year for this occasion. (They are real). Celebrating the tradition with food and friends is such a rewarding experience each year.

No matter what holiday you are celebrating with your family and friends, the holidays are blessed events. The holidays provide an opportunity to celebrate life and love with the people who you hold dear in your life. We slow the clock down and reconnect with family and friends. The traditions are always fun to participate in.  My kids are twelve and up and are looking forward to the great egg hunt later today with their cousins.  I am looking forward to the traditional meal we have with ham and all the dressings.  I am relieved we have this special day that provides us the time to reconnect with the people that are special to us.  The last few months going to see my parents has been an objective I have not met.  Thank God for the holidays. I cannot wait to give them the biggest hug and sit down for a couple of hours and share our lives with one another. I will come prepared with camera in hand to catch the very special moments we share today.

Time to prepare for Easter day.  There is a jump in my step today and excitement in the air. All the daily obligations and chores are set aside. It is a blessed day. And we got a glimpse of Peter Cottontail yesterday at my daughters basketball tournament, though it is a bit frigid outdoors, Peter has not given up on the holiday.  Okay, maybe it was not Peter, it was a friend of his.  A bunny surely crossed our path and made us feel Easter is surely on it's way.

Want to learn more about the origin of the revered Easter Bunny?  Check out The Crafty Hare

Enjoy your special day!