I remember the days when watching TV was touted as the vice that was causing children to get fat, and sitting in front of the TV too long was bad for your eyes. Then Video games came along and the elders warned of kids playing games for hours and not getting things done. Today, we are hearing now how interactive games on the computer are the vice. Over 40% of World of War (WOW) craft players are addicted to the game. Some are playing the game seven days a week, the majority of each day. No surprise that homework is not getting done, socializing with friends and family non existent, and going to work late if at all.
At home, I have had to manage the time spent on the game by my children, and their friends had parents monitoring their game time as well. One parent literally broke a $400.00 screen in frustration. The passion for the game is consuming people. The most recent claim is, the game is set up in such a way that the area of your brain, the reward center, gets loaded with dopamine. Therefore, causing the player to not want to stop playing. WOW addicts are turning for help to centers for addiction. The Smith and Jones addiction consultancy in the Netherlands compares the symptoms of withdrawal characteristic to the same withdrawal symptoms from chemical dependence. Upon reading this you may think well, that is in the Netherlands how bout us in America? The McLean Hospital in Massachusetts has had many patients come in to gain control over their addiction to WOW.
We can point fingers at the makers of WOW as the villain. And there are people suing as I write this, for their kids becoming addicted. No lie. Easy to point the finger... I see the problem boiling down to a lack of discipline. Anything can be called addictive if in fact it gets in the way of other areas of your life; work, golf, fishing, tennis, shopping, hanging with friends. How bout the kids instant messaging their buddies all night? I had a friend who told me she would loose her husband to golf six months a year. It was a big issue in their marriage. At times like these, it is important to recognize discipline is your friend. It is your power to effectively get things done and not become an addict of any sort. The best lesson I think here for any person is to acknowledge when any activity is taking away from other priorities in your life. I remember playing tennis years ago and wanting to advance to the top of the club. I made it to the top, however, my spouse pointed out to me how I was not effectively managing other things at home as well as I could. My love of the sport evolved into my playing five times a week with young children at home. My new passion was consuming my time. I had to open my eyes to my love of the sport interfering with my priorities at home and for myself in other areas.
I have a friend who has been suffering from a lot of stress at work and at home handling all her responsibilities. I have watched it take it's toll on her this last year. She has done very well in her new business, selling real estate, and her numbers are noteworthy. However, physically and mentally she is falling apart. Lack of sleep has come in, issues with the kids, her spouse, and a 20 pound weight gain. I have talked with her about putting exercise in her life. Exercise can diminish your stress level by 50%. My friend is a very conscientious person. She always makes time for everyone across the board but has not made time taking care of herself; a top priority in her life that needs to be managed. Her addiction is to be there for others. Time to acknowledge her body needs attention and make changes in her life now. Addiction comes in so many forms.
Sometimes the best way to teach our children is to first see how we ourselves have mishandled situations in our life. It makes it easier to sympathize with our children when they are in the thick of it from mismanagement. I have seen my passion for things start to interfere in my life. It makes it easier for me to sympathies with my children how it can sneak up on you. Are you spending too much time in one area of your life and not effectively managing other priorities? Are you not scheduling things that should be scheduled in your daily routine; doctor appointments, working out, making time for mom and dad, how bout time to unwind? It boils down to time management. Also, know your priorities. This last month, I have taken on teaching my kids time management. I have looked over my own routines to see how I am balancing responsibilities. I have always stressed getting things done. It was not enough. We are going through the process of figuring out for each member of our family what priorities they have and listing them. Then fitting them into our schedule so they can implement them in their life, effectively.
Our latest is "synchronizing schedules". We have chosen Sunday nights as the night to make sure everyone is aware what is on tap for the week. Each person in the family is responsible on their own for filling in their daily calendar for the week. They need to learn to manage their own schedule. It takes time to get comfortable making this new habit fit in our schedules. Trust me, it is work in progress. We have learned- It is a priority! The lesson is simple; discipline is your friend. Don't run from it , embrace it. It is being intentional in your life so you can get things done. Let no activity interfere with other major priorities. The dopamine should start pouring in their little brains when they see they are effectively managing activities in their life, and for us parents as well. When the kids started blocking off time in their schedules it was easier for them to see, in black and white, there is not enough time in their life to play five hours of any game at any given time. It was easy for them to see it would be an unhealthy addiction.
If your children don't know when enough is enough, put a time limit on the amount of time they spend doing certain activities. After the time is up-shut it down. This also prevents a fight with you. They know their limits ahead of time.
Type A personalities have a hard time with balance. It is all the way, all the time. Type A parents tend to have Type A kids which makes for a real competitive and sometimes stressful environment.
I read an intersting blog recently on "How to get things UNdone". Meaning, how to remove things from your normal routine that don't really need to be there.
Free time to think and discover is important. Serendipity can't happen if everything is rigidly scheduled, or worse, a single activity dominates our time.
It is not easy but parents need to break things up, introduce different activities, and just get ceazy once in a while. I know I have to force this with my kids. Left to their own devices they would zone out on video games...forever.
Thanks for the advice.
Posted by: DonDodge | March 02, 2007 at 11:16 AM
I live type "A" everyday, and so do my children. There is a very strong drive in this personality make up that calls for time-management. Our drive to succeed in one area can overtake our ability to succeed in another. All the more reason to intentionally take on managing your time so you can succeed across the board.
As our lives get more busy by the day, I have read a few articles on the need to simpify. Greed is a vice...it will lead you to failure. No one can have it all or do it all. You need to be able to cut things out that won't make as much of an impact on your life. This is where we learn about tradeoffs in life. And I am all for serendipity. So free time has been scheduled as part of my daily routine. Okay..not a lot of it.
You are so right about kids needing guidance. They have not acquired enough wisdom in their short lives to see the error of their ways by not managing their time. A bad grade on a paper, missing a try-out for a sport, not bringing home a text book to do your homework...here is where the lesson begins. The consequence always hurts.
Posted by: Robin | March 02, 2007 at 12:25 PM
i am having a difficult time getting this right but taking one day at a time. i am currently reading nanny911.
the hardest thing is knowing i myself am an approval addict. i many times give up what is best for my kids; to please others wishes....
i am getting better and am thankful for all the raising kids books out their.
boundries, boundries for kids,i could go on and on.
Posted by: rach | March 04, 2007 at 01:12 PM