Robin Reports From In The Thick Of It

Take A Walk

Spring is here! That's right, if you have suffered having to stay indoors for the long Winter now is your time to get out!  Are you feeling a bit out of shape from being indoors far too long?  Have you tried on your clothes from last year and found them a bit tight?  Maybe you are just feeling a bit flabby.  Now is the time to get those gym shoes on and go for a walk.

Walking is a great exercise. If you walk twenty minutes you burn off 150-175 calories.  if you walk briskly for 45 minutes you are burning 350-450 calories.  Not only do you get that initial benefit,  it raises your metabolism for the rest of the day.  Other benefits are your thighs and buttocks shrinking over time, you build muscle and flatten your tummy. It is a stress reliever and also can cut symptoms of  depression in half. That's right.  It is not necessary to run to gain the benefits of exercise.  Do you make the time for a walk?

Many say they don't have the time for exercise.  This is a common statement.  And the people saying it believe it.  We all have the same 24 hours a day to work with.  You have to make it a priority and fit it in.  Manage your time so it fits in your schedule.  Exercise should be part of your daily ritual.   Deepak Chopra writes a book called Perfect health. He exclaims that we need to work on our health so not to have a health crisis.  He explains, how we treat our body catches up with us over time with: obesity, heart disease, high blood pressure, cancer, muscle atrophy.  Don't wait for a crisis before you take on managing your health. By then it may be too late. Be proactive.

Are you too busy taking care of others? I have a friend who is suffering from premature menopause this last year and has gained weight.  She has a full time job and children.  I have more than one in this scenario.  These people are so in tune to taking care of others they don't make the time to take care of themselves.  I read a book called Out of Apples, by Lee Schnebly.  She explains the significance in taking care of yourself so you can keep on providing for others.  Once we reach burn out, we are no good for anybody.  It is important to keep your bushel full of apples so you never run out. Make time for yourself. Take care of your health.  Exercise is good for our body, mentally and physically. It is a great stress reliever. Give yourself 30, you deserve it.

I have another friend that works out five days a week, she has four boys and a part time job and does charity work.  She is 49 years old and looks like a teenager.  Let her inspire you.  If you make the time you will reap the benefits.  She just started her work out regimen a few years back.  She looks dynamite.  She has made it a priority.  Her family knows not to get in her way.  Hand over the gym shoes, I am out the door.  This can be you!

As for me, anyone that knows me knows that exercise for me is not an option it is a priority.  I do some form of exercise 3-5 times a week.  I use it to keep my body in shape and as a stress reliever.Like my friend,  I point out to all who know me,if I look a bit crabby, hand me my gym shoes and 45 minutes later I will come back with a smile.  Could this be you?  let me add, however, sometimes life gets in the way and I cut out my exercise.  I promise you I feel it in a couple of days.  I start to feel lethargic. I can feel myself getting wound up.  My body talks to me and I listen.  My work out is calling, I have to go.

If you still are not sold:

Heart disease has been known to be a common ailment among men.  Recently it has been discovered that women after menopause are just as likely to get it.  The latest research is that women should exercise five days a week for at least 30 minutes.  Maybe you are concerned your loved ones will be angry with you for not being available for them. I am sure if you explain that it is for your health, they may whine, but will quickly get over it. Don't let the world suck you dry.  Don't look for reasons why you cannot fit it in your schedule , make reasons why you cannot afford to exclude it. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself.

Some don't like to walk alone, find a buddy. By finding a buddy you feel accountable to someone and are less likely to cut it out of your schedule.  Maybe music will help inspire you.  Get your MP3 player out with your favorite tunes.  Possibly you like to listen to the audio version of books-kill two birds with one stone here.  Or, maybe you are in need of some silent meditation. Take a quiet walk and rest your mind.  Listen to the birds outside or smell the flowers that will be in bloom soon.  Whatever it takes.  Make time for your health and take a walk.

                 For more inspiration check out this web site: Take a walk

Find a reason to get out doors. I met up with a friend the other day, we went for a walk.  At first it seemed a bit chilly.  After about ten minutes our blood got moving and it felt great.  I brought my dog along and felt happy she was taken care of as well. After thirty minutes, I felt invigorated.  The fresh breeze on your face just gets you going.  The sunlight is a natural anti-depressant.  It lights you up.  It felt so good to be outdoors once again. 

Spring is calling.  Get those gym shoes on, get outdoors and go for your walk!               

Good Things Come In Threes

My baby is not a baby anymore. That’s right my little caboose is now a much bigger caboose.  I went to a choir concert last night and watched her sing with her choir group. Just looking up at her, I saw a young girl becoming a young women.  Her birthday is at the end of March.  She will be twelve. Time moves swiftly. I remember at birth fearing the "third child syndrome."  Though being born as number three you have to share the attention, she has faired well for herself, and has been an important element in our family dynamic.

An interesting book to turn to on birth order and how it effects you is, The New Birth Order Book: Why You Are theWay You Are, by Kevin Lehman.

I remember a few years back when she was in the stage of, “Mom I won’t wear anything pink or purple.” Dresses and skirts were out of the question, and if forced, boy did we pay.  She just looked miserable. She hated wearing shoes.  Time after time when we were to go somewhere, I would find her barefoot and shoeless.  Back in the house I would send her for those shoes, that she hated to wear. She was seriously a tom boy.  She liked gymnastics, but it was a “no way” to ballet.  She hung out with all the boys, always trying to prove she was just as apt as they were.  This year she is in sixth grade and my little caterpillar is metamorphosizing into a butterfly.

This year is all pink! That’s right.  She loves wearing it and skirts have been protocol.  She is up early in the morning to straighten her wavy hair.  Now, I love her wavy hair. She feels when her hair  is straight, it is so much more "pretty."   The cutest part is watching her check herself out in the mirror with a gleam of pride or disgust, which leads to a quick wardrobe change. She dances around the house now.  And her latest is showing me cheers she has made up. She practices singly her solos in the car and at home-my little song bird. I seriously laugh at times, in astonishment, at how much she has changed into a "girly girl" in such a short period of time.  She just melts me.

3... Is there something special about number three, or your baby? Where you just don’t want to see they are growing up or don’t expect it?  For me, I watch her go through these stages and truly embrace each one.  She is my last child, my last baby to nurture and hold on to.  And she is evolving into quite the independent pre-teen.

Being the third child, I was concerned for her. I have heard and read many articles on birth order and how it affects people.  I have watched her feel inferior to her older siblings. At times she wants my attention and I am too busy for her and she walks away with a forlorn look on her face. I have watched her older brother and sister make fun of her or call her stupid at times.  I have seen her run in absolute fear from her older sister, when they bicker.  Now don’t get me wrong, they have great moments.  I have seen them all get a long quite well at times, playing the computer, putting together puzzles, going to town together on their scooters, etc…  and the nights where she falls asleep next to one of them in their bed, another melt my heart moment.  So, it is not always the case that being the third child means living a life void of the spot light. It can be difficult as a parent , however, in moments, when she is not able to perform at her sibling's level, and I see on her face sheer disappointment. I have signed her up to go to camp for a few weeks so she can experience living with age equivalent peers and not be the youngest for a while, a place where she can have verification she is achieving well for her age.

So, after years of concern for number three, I see she is thriving. She still has those moments where she feels inferior to her older siblings. When she does not achieve something easily, she can feel inadequate at times. She still fights for my attention at times and says you don’t love me like you love so and so. Even when writing this blog, she has frequently asked if I have written one about her. She wants to see she is special in my eyes. These moments just pull at my heart strings. I have not forgotten you number three.... Recently, she has had shining moments; she and a friend made a nice dinner for all of us. They set up the table and had everything in place. It was very well done.She shined on stage in a theater production in the fall, dancing and singing.  She will be performing in her school production, The King and I, in the spring. Her siblings are not in theater, this is her area to shine.  There was her first solo song she sang in a concert recently.  We just had a shopping day, just the two of us, and she lead the way. My baby is growing up and achieving in many areas. 

I felt quite protective of her over the years.  Through the process, I have learned there are some advantages to being number three. From the family standpoint, she has learned how to be a negotiator with her siblings. She works well in group settings.  The teachers have complimented her on how well she operates with grace when there is a conflict within the group.  She has many friends. She is very sensitive to other people’s feelings.  These kinds of gifts with number three are not so unique.  Number three can be quite the gifted number.  Peter Morrel, a medical historian from the UK sites:

“They are thus often the most intelligent, sociable and subtle members of the family group. Rather than being innate, they probably develop these skills out of a need to do so; its arises from the situation they are in. They acquire subtle diplomatic and social skills in order to maintain their position in all the conflicting power dynamics of the family group. Thus they feel impelled to reason and communicate, plead with others and to operate shuttle diplomacy with everyone.”

Read more on his understanding of the third child or the baby of the family here, The Third Child. Now that my little baby is no longer a baby any more, I am celebrating her becoming the cute little pre-teen, who has great pride in the boys in her grade finding her cute, taking charge of social situations, and putting great care in her appearance. And right now, I am off to watch her team compete for the championship in an indoor soccer league.   Three Cheers for number 3!

Do You Know The Secret?

You know..The Secret? My friend asked me this while visiting with her recently. I was miffed.  Not sure if I do.  What is it?  Have you read the book? What book? The Secret?  Okay, no I can't say I did.  But I will.  Her asking this question in the way she did had me curious.  I went to the store and bought the book-on a mission to find out "the secret."

Well, getting ahold of this book is not so easy. It is a very sought after book.  My local book store told me it was sold out in our area and he would not get it for two weeks. Now you must know, there is a book called The Secret, by Michael Berg.  This is different from the book my friend was referencing, The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne.  And a book very much like Rhonda's book, if you like the philosophy is The Law of Attraction by Michael J. Losier.  But back to the Rhonda's secret.  Not able to purchase the book on my own,  I read my friend's book.  The beauty of this book is it is a short and easy read.  I finished it the night I started. 

I don't know if any of you out there have done the seminar series offered by Landmark Education Company.  I have done three, ending with Self Expression and Leadership.  Taking on these seminars is truly life altering.  Upon reading The Secret, I found most of the assertions in this book to closely follow everything we learned in Landmark. I told my friend how reading the book you get 20% of what you can get from learning this stuff-hands on. Taking on the seminars, and the workshops within...life altering.  Cannot compare the two. After I took on Landmark, several of my friends followed.  They all were blown away by how it effected them in their daily lives across the board. It was unanimous. How Landmark and The Secret relate, is that they make it out that anything is possible in your life, you just need to declare it to be so.  The empowerment comes from the declaration in itself.  Both Landmark and Rhonda point out how not to speak the negative side of the issue because you breath life into it, and therefore your reality.  If you don't get this...get the book.  You will totally understand.

I remember doing Landmark and finding the course mind altering.  Ialso remember leaving for work the following Monday and looking around at the rest of the world like I indeed had a secret.  Coming out of the seminar is like having blinders removed.  All these filters in life have been taken away and the light in overpowering at first.  You really need to start by taking baby steps.  I always say, if you want a life time experience you have to do this course.  One weekend will alter you forever-it is quite a ride. And upon reading this book, I felt Rhonda must have had a similar experience and had attended the forum herself.  Who knows.  Her book has the language and many distinctions that Landmark offers.  It is a great book to read along with doing the Forum (Landmark).  If you pick up this book, you will feel an enormous  empowerment by the end- Like you are "unstoppable".  That is why I like the book.  However, I can't say I'm sold on it.

In Rhonda's book, it has this over the top idea if you declare what you want, the universe will provide it for you.  I have always felt with religion, people who relied on prayer alone, and were not in action for themselves to make a difference, were in danger of not getting what they desired badly or needed,  setting themselves up for a big fall. Now I know a lot of ordinary people have made amazing things happen on this planet, but I find it hard to believe it was on a wish or a prayer.  I am sure it was by hard work.  Even if they found it by accident..they were in action to have something amazing happen.  Blame my Protestant upbringing, but I believe only through hard work do we succeed in life.  The idea of the guy sitting in his chair and declaring he will have a million dollars by years end and then "Puff" it happens?  Sorry guys...I just don't believe it. And I find it dangerous to share this belief with others. 

Don't get me wrong, I think declaring something is quite empowering. I believe we should all have dreams.  Just got back from Disney...Talk about a dream. It all starts with a dream. There is power in the declaration of the dream.  By telling someone what your declaration is and possibly having them hold you accountable, I believe you can make great things happen.  The dream is the gas and the actions are the vehicle that gets you there. The declaration means nothing without the action. I won't be sitting on my couch waiting for a million to show up on my lap.  Possibly Rhonda would be all over me for this. Call me pessimistic etc...  This is my humble opinion.  Okay, I am sounding hard on her.  You know, Kudos to her in sharing that positive thinking gets you things.  I do believe hope inspires us.  It is a driving force.  I believe confidence makes us not give up.  These things along with action are truly powerful beyond belief. To sell positive thinking...I am all over that.

For the loyal followers of the secret, check out this website: The Secret

Landmark offered something that was easier for me to digest- Commitment verses attachment.  That distinction is, we should be committed to what we want in life...it puts us in action.  But don't be attached to where the journey takes us. We may not get the result we intended.  In some cases our result will be far greater.  It is the action that is empowering. And if we don't get what we want, the fall should not be so painful.  Okay, a bit Taoist here.

There are some critics of Landmark as well.  They feel it is cultish. I don't get hung up on this as I think many things in life are cultish- for instance...professional sports, taking on your own sport five days a week, yoga, you name it.  How passionate you are in a certain arena ...can come across cultish.  When people have their eyes opened in such a way that they feel a lifetime ball and chain removed from them, it makes them pretty high for a while. I have to tell you, I have a friend who read this book, and she is very empowered by the teachings.  And she feels a connection to the group that read the book.  Even the book has been life altering for people.  They will stand there asking you...Do you know the secret...if yes, you are a part of the priviledged few.

Back to my critique on the book, Rhonda does bring up "action" in her book, but I found this section a bit weak.  She needed to expound further. Her idea of being able to declare money in your life and the universe bringing it to you, or her weight loss of 140ish down to 116, because she declared it, and it just happened...suspicious to say the least.  But don't just take my opinion.  Go out and read this book.  It is a very popular book right now.  Get "In the know".  If you have not done Landmark or a similar program, the language and philosophy in this book can be quite empowering for you.  For some they will boil it down to simple Karma.  Read it..you decide.

By the way I did not tell you "the secret," per say.  You will have to pick up the book to find out what it is.  Did not want to ruin it for you.

 

Doing It Right In Disney

I had one full weekend with a bunch of pre-teens.  The members from the band and orchestra trip that we went with had quite the personalities.  They would get rowdy, a little out of line once in a while, but for the most part I was so impressed with their ability to get along with one another.  I did not see one argument or fight.  This, I found amazing.  The kids divided in groups and every time I saw them they were with someone new.  These kids have really developed good relationships with one another over the years. It renewed my faith in the younger generation-even with all the exposure to MTV and explicit music.

I hung out with two  mothers that I really bonded with over the trip.  The amount of hours we had to spend at the parks really provided a lot of time to get to know these two very intelligent and experienced women.  The one thing about being in action in life, is the opportunity of meeting up with new people, who had quite different backgrounds.  What we all shared were children of similar ages and similar parenting experiences.  What a rewarding experience this was.  I have two great new friends.  We rode rides together, talked and had drinks with each other, we had great laughs, touching moments.  I would have never met these people if I did not volunteer for this trip,  I will have to volunteer more. Okay laying out for a couple of hours with a margarita in hand sure helped make for a pleasant trip.

As for our pre-teens...One group of boys were a little more rowdy than the rest and were a handful for one parent.  Their salvation was listening to them perform on the stage at Disney beautifully. It really made present that kids will be kids and these were really, in essence, great kids.  Kudos to the instructors for a great performance.  They outperformed other high school bands that performed that day.  Our kids sounded like a class act on the stage.  It will be a memory they will never forget. I smiled as I thought someday they will bring their kids here and tell them, I performed here on this stage.

After their performance, they made a quick change and rode the rides until dark.  The day ended with the most phenomenal fireworks display I have ever seen. Tinker Bell flew out of the castle... a surprise to us all. I have been to Disney before, but this was really quite an experience. The park was impeccably clean with tons of guests that day.  You look around at all the scenery and the decor and character that went into each ride.  It is amazing that this all started by a simple man.  And Mickey was not originally even his character- Walt Disney.  Truly, dreams do come true.  I looked at all the kids out there, wondering where will we find them in twenty years?  Do we have any great inventors here, professional musicians?  I sat  next to a young lady who played the flute on the way home.  She told me she wanted to be a cardiologist.  I bet she will be. 

We did MGM, Epcot, Disney World and Animal Kingdom in four days. I liked Epcot the best.  Great food and I relay liked visiting the different countries.  The soaring ride that made you feel like you were soaring over California was amazing.  I really felt like I was there.  I sat by my daughter on the ride, and we shared the experience together.  A great mother-daughter moment.  It was quite a trip. We had 82 degree weather and lots of sun.  I really should consider heading to Florida for spring break more often.  It was a nice reprieve from the cold weather in the mid-west.

Check out Disney Online guide here:       Disney World

Home again, still digesting the very full weekend we had.  I feel so lucky as a parent I was able to be a part of this experience with my daughter.  Still unpacking some and making up time with my kids that were not there.  These are the moments worth living. 

I'm Going to Disney World

I am spending the next four days with my daughter's orchestra and band groups in Disneyworld.  They will perform there.  This is pretty exciting.  My daughter has come along way.  To listen to her play classical music and finish her song off knowing she is playing "real" music, has been a delight. The smile of pride and I'm good aren't I...just melts me.

The best part of this trip is that she is playing violin and loving it.  Learning an instrument can be quite challenging: having to learn all the scales etc.  This is one of those things in life that you have to have the tenacity to get to the other side.  My favorite part of this whole deal is how last year she was hanging on by a string.  She said she was not going to play next year.  And then all of a sudden it clicked and she was playing great music.  Her love for music changed over night.  For her 8th grade graduation, she has asked for a violin.  Not one member of our family would have thought this possilble a year ago.

Just shows, we parents should not let them give up so easily.  See how far we can get them to stay the course, before they give up on something.  And frankly, it is a lesson for me.  When challenged by something, I will now think of her, and how hanging in there got her to the point of loving it later on.

Kudos to our school as I think the Disney trip is an incentive for the kids to stick with it until at least 8th grade.  It would be amazing if she actually becomes a professional some day.  But even getting this far is reward enough for her and her parents.

As an acknowledgement of her great job, I offered to chaperone her trip and video the performance for her instructor.  Should be a great experience and make for some great memmories

I'll write when I get back! 

Talk soon,

Robin

Where's Your Mojo?

When's the last time you tried anything new?  Do you remember the exhileration and anticipation of taking on a new adventure? Seriously, I'm not talking about a different flavor soda or beer for that matter, I am talking about a new activity or new hobby, a trip to a foreign place, something that made you have to step out of your comfort zone? Children are constantly put in the position of trying something new.  They have us as parents pushing them on, peer pressure and then in school, they are challenged daily to bring their thinking to the next level.  After school they participate in activities in dance, music, drama, sports etc...where the kids become a part of a group and share something.  Trying something new is part of their everyday life.  Their minds remain flexible in their daily ritual of change. As we get older we are not as prone to change.

                                                                                                                                                    

As we get older, we don't have the required education classes like we did as kids.  No more required gym class to keep us in shape, or after school activity to join the gang in.  Our schedules become very structured and redundant.  So much so, that we become comfortable in our ways.  Life is good that way, or at least for awhile.  Until, something happens, and we are forced to take on change.  You know that drive to work you take each day.  You do it so many times you go on automatic...How frustrating is it when there is an alternative route posted?  We are then required to get out of automatic and manually shift gears and use our heads.  It's work. Maybe it is a more serious change, such as losing a job and finding a new one.  If we are not comfortable with change, moments like this in life can be quite traumatic.

                                                                                                                                       

It is common to become sedentary in our ways, where we just don't want to change. Human beings are naturally habitual. We find what we like and stick to keeping it that way.  Going out of our comfort zone is not a natural thing for most.  Some fear it.  Some won’t even consider it.  The less we exercise our brains on making changes, the less flexible we become to new ideas and new ways of doing things.  You can see this with older people, where the latest trends in fashion are not nearly as important to them as the younger generation.   They don't want or need the plasma TV.  I have a friend who is an athletic director at a private college.  He tells me his two bosses don't even own a computer.  They work in a college.  Is that possible? I know I have friends as well, that have slowly moved forward in becoming adept on the computer.  And the Internet has been around for a while. They will outright tell me they are afraid of it, or it is too much work to learn it.  They don't need it.  Sound familiar?

                                                                                                                                          

Bottom line they don't see the prize: the reward on the other side for doing all the work. People don't like change...change means something different, something new..something foreign... If you don't know it, you fear it and stay away. Over time things change, to make the most of life we need to change with it.  How can we prepare ourselves for change?  There is a company called Play, from Richmond Virginia. Their conference room is called, "The Playroom". Their employees are encouraged  to take on activities that spur creativity, take risks and try new things.  When they have ideas flying across their business room, the ideas are celebrated and called "mojo".  They celebrate creativity and change...it is progressive.                                                                                                            

                                                                                                                                          

In order to celebrate change you need to be comfortable with change.  John C. Maxwell writes an excellent book on the significance of change in our daily lives and in our careers so we dont become stagnant in our ways, Thinking For A Change.  No company will stay around for the long run if they are not able to change with the times.  I think the best way to be open to change is to exercise our minds and bodies regularly to different situations, so when we are forced to face a change in our lives we don't have to dread it so. 

                                                                                                         

There are many ways to jump outside your comfort zone and make some changes.  If you want to start small, try a new exercise.  If you like to go on vacation, travel somewhere new.  Try a new dish on your dinner table.  Take a road trip to somewhere you have never been before.  If you like the internet, surf to sites you have not been before.  Try a new hair cut.  I do at least once a year.  Even if I don't like it.  I may be on my way after a couple of cuts to a new style I will like better than before. Watch yourself go through the process of change.  First the feeling of the unknown, foreign,  second, the feeling of anxiety that turns into excitement and lastly the process by which you go from the unknown to the known.  Sometimes thi s stage takes a while and few are unwilling to push on through.  It takes practice to get used to ths stage.This is where you have to find strength and courage and convition so you reach the other side.-the side of the prize.  It is this way always.  When you get used to this mental exercise, change becomes a more normal part of your life once again.  When you learn new things, you feel invigorated...your vitality reaches new heights. 

                                                                                                                              

Change is an important exercise. For years now, I have made it an important part of my life to take on new things regulary, so to keep my mind and body flexible. Do I get uncomfortable at times? You betcha.  I just know it is part of the process. I have worked change in my life in many ways. I cannot tell you how many different exercise regimens I have tried, and mix them up regularly.  I have taken on many different sports in my adult life.  I read a wide variety of subjects on different topics.  I focus on a different part of the world each year.I have traveled extensively.  I have not had a career, so I have done charity work where I sign on different positions just to learn something new each time.  I have a diverse group of friends that all teach me new things regularly. I have instilled in my life that change is evolutionary. I want to grow and become more each day.  I get excited about it because I have built up my momentum. Once you get going , you get in the zone and you will surprise yourself with what you decide to take on next.

                                                             

I have a friend, forced into a new change in her life now: divorce atfer twenty years of marriage.  It became quite the habit. She sat at a table a few months back, wishing she was more knowledgeable about current events.  She was impressed by how much reading I did. She said she has not really read in years.  I showed her some of the books I read.  She was like I couldn't handle those. This was in January, little did I know she was going to "change" her ways.  A few months later she is sharing with me books I have never read, with challenging topics.  She found out she had more inside her than she knew.  She is now taking on the Internet and  is learning new sites each week.  She has become a blogger.  She has signed on for sites to send her daily comments.  She is enbracing change in her life right now.  She is getting comfortable with exercising her mind.  It breeds momentum so you are willing to try on change in other areas of your life.  This is why the company Play reinforces it's employees to take on activities like surfing and mountain climbing... It will effect who they are at work.

                                                                                                               

Try on new things. If you like books, read a subject you never read about.  Listen to a new genre of music. Try the latest exercise craze.  There are so many possibilities out there for us to experience and enjoy.  We first have to want to see them and secondly be willing to take on the challenge of learning something new.  They say no risk no reward in life.  I say, living a life of stagnation, is barely living at all. 

                                                                                                                                                                     

So the next time you are exposed to something new in your life, If your first reaction is stay away or you don't like it because it is different, take a second look.  Give it a try.  Make the challenge of trying something new a rewarding experience.  And pat yourself on the back for being willing to swim in foreign waters. I am sure your life will become very rich and rewarding when you “change” your ways.

Raise Your Skinny Fists

That’s right, Raise Your Skinny Fists. When you saw this written, were you curious, did you find it odd, question what it could be all about?  If you did, you were not alone.  I have a friend who owns a company in the city.  He makes neon art work.  A couple of days ago he comes to work and decides he is going to go through the back door.  This means gain entrance via the alley out back. He doesn’t typically go this way.  When he reaches his door to the store, he finds, “Raise Your Skinny Fst” spray painted across it. 

                                                                        

He looks around to see if he can see the possible perpetrator.  No one in sight.  He immediately covers it up with paint.  He sits there wondering, why was that sprayed on my door?  Was someone sending me a message?  He raises his fists to observe them, my fists are fat not skinny, he says to himself.  Hmmm he thinks. He is stumped. 

                                                                                                                                             

My buddy and I talk via email everyday.  (Our boys are the same age and have competed together in their sport for years).  So he hops on the internet and sure enough sees me on his buddy list.  He starts a conversation, Robin, Hi, I respond.  Guess what.  I respond back What.  I knew something was up, I could feel the suspense rising, as I wait for his next message.  Then step by step he fills me in. He tells me the whole deal, how the door was painted, how odd it was he even chose to enter by the back alley way and he wonders if someone is trying to send him a message of some sort. I am loving it.  He is part of a mystery in the making.  I mention this would be great for a movie.  So, I tell him to look up the words on search and see if anything comes up.  Sure enough…He finds out it is a band from Toronto.  His first thought is relief that it does not stand for something worse.  Then we both thinkToronto…how bizarre. Not a band close to home. We both are chuckling that “hahahahaha” way on our IM messages.

            

His next thought is what to do next.The Irony of it all is... He is the “Music Man“.  So that the phrase was a band just blew both of us away.  Mr. Music Man knows more history and facts on musicians and bands than anyone I have ever met.  His life is about Music. He plays a guitar and so does his son. When I asked him what the words he lived by were,  his response in turn was,  I don’t have words I live by, I have songs, and quickly rattled them off. He didn’t even need time to think.  I was impressed.  Maybe you can appreciate the list:

                                                                                                                

           you wear it well    rod stewart         discovered great music

          big country          big country          saw them in England during my new wave stage

          after the fall         ray davies          music to set my life to

          nothing is wrong    gomez               drum beats guitars fuzz control vocals

          spitting games      snow patrol         nothing better to cruise down the highway with

          louisville               damnwells          love song long distance

                                                                                                                  

But I digress…..

                                                                                                                     

Combining his love of music with the bands name written across his door…he is looking for a reason for this occurrence. This guy sees bands at least twice a week, year round, all over the country. He has hung out with many groups after the shows.  We both agree it could be an omen of some sort…. Possibly a message sent by the spirits. It makes life much more exciting to think of it this way.  I say check to see if the band is playing in town. He  couldn’t find anything.  The next thought is that maybe some street artist that spray paints walls about the city was inspired by the band so much, he decided to express his esteem for the band by writing it on Music Man’s door. 

We are both still wondering..if they were meant  to meet, this street artist and Mr. MusicMan.It is days later and I have checked with my buddy, The Music Man, to see if there were any updates to report.  Nothing yet he says.  We are both waiting for the next sign of what is to come of “Raise Your Skinny Fist”.  So he decides he will write the next line of the lyrics across the door, “Like Antennas up to Heaven,” and see if the street artist comes back once again.

                                                                                        

                                                                                                                                    

If you know the whereabouts of Raise Your Skinny Fists, it would be well received on behalf of both of us.  We are looking for a spiritual connection or possibly not so spiritual connection to the words written upon his door and where it will lead Mr. Music Man to next.   

Be A Bountiful Blogger

My reader list has jumped up rapidley and I want to welcome all of you to come and participate in the conversation. At times you may just want to read the topic of the day. However, some members of my community conveyed to me they would like to share, though using their present email account makes them a bit uncomfortable. The Web is a beautiful thing.  You can find so many things on it.  There are two sites I hear of often that offer free web-based email addresses.  What a deal! 

So, if you are looking to become one of the up and coming bloggers out there, to have your say in the world,  here are two sites you can turn to and create a screen name you are comfortable using in the blogger world.  Come blog with me, and share your comments.

                   MSN Hot Mail                                 Yahoo! Mail

Talk Soon!

Robin

When Enough is Enough

Have you ever had a friend or family member that has suffered a drastic circumstance in their life and became dysfunctional across the board: work, social situations taking care of themselves?  I have had a few situations in my life that hit me pretty darn hard and had a long term effect on me. I had to deliver a baby at six month pregnant and hold him in my arms for hours as he slowly died, and the divorce a few years later was a serious failure for me..  When I say long term that means not only did they affect me, they affected anyone that was around me.   For a loved one it is very understandable to be compassionate, sympathetic and forgiving of a person who is in devastation mode.  What about when they become paralyzed - imobile in this mode and cannot find their way out?  What do you do?   

                                                                                                                                                         

Therapists diagnose people who are trapped in this state as having Post traumatic disorder. Depression is another common diagnosis.  There is a process by which rumination of feeling pain and sadness just consumes the person. They are in a state where they cannot function well.  Many have turned to doctors or therapists for support.  Exercise is known to cut depression by 50%.  But some don’t have the strength initially to even get started. There are anti-depressants that over the long term reset our brain into feeling well once again.  There are ways to pull a person out of this state.  What does it take to get the person to want to take on their life and make changes so they thrive in life once again and achieve happiness?   

                                                                                                                                           

My friend, I will call, Donna, told me today, “I am done with her.(referring to her family member who is suffering still)  After they lay the stone this week. (The dedication stone) I will not allow her at my house anymore.”  Donna's family member (I will refer to her as Sue)is still in mourning over the loss of her daughter. Donna and her husband are the most giving people I know. They have been her support and staff for the last three years. Sue lost her one and only daughter that was like her best friend to Cancer.  Her daughter went to a very prestigious college, was an "A" student, only to find out in her freshman year she had stage four cancer.  A rare but very aggressive cancer. Understandable, the mother is depressed. Sue has been in mourning three years in duration, when is she going to come out of it and start making a difference for herself in her life once again? Her ongoing negativity in conversation has reached a level, that Donna cannot take hearing anymore. She feels Sue has become a leech sucking her dry of all her energy. Her inability to take on responsibilities in her life has made more work for Donna.  Donna has a life full of responsibilities as it is.  Don’t we all.  Donna’s frustration that she is not trying to move out of this state has evolved into anger and resentment, leaving her intolerant of it all. Donna also says she feels letting her keep going like this is enabling her to stay in this mode.  “Enough is enough,” she says. 

          

          Do you write off a person that has suffered such tragedy in their life due to their behavior that followed?  I offered Donna a couple of suggestions.  Donna was choosing to distance herself…but now she wants to make the distance permanent.  She has been on the receiving end of far too much. One option is to have a family intervention with Sue where a therapist directs the discussion of the problems. What if they are unwilling? The other is to sit down and write her a letter.

                                                                        

           You have nothing to lose if you are at the point of letting go anyway.  Tell Sue how you understand she has suffered a great loss, a great tragedy, and you have done your best to be supportive.  Explain how you gave some room in certain situations where you normally wouldn’t have.  But there is only so much you can give.  Proclaim at this point, how in order for the relationship to move forward, Sue, will have to put aside the pain that has made her so dysfunctional and work on taking baby steps to get back on track.  Tell her you have given to your limits and need her to start reciprocating; start taking on her duties in the family.  Be more careful with what she says, her pain is not an excuse to verbally attack somebody. At the point you are ready to write someone off, you have nothing to lose by sending such a letter.  It is a form of tough love. When they read the letter they have time to absorb what you have written before they respond to you; maybe a day or a week or even a month.  They also cannot interrupt you while you share your thoughts with defensive remarks.  Lastly, there are books available to help people out of these states.

                                                                                                                

           I have found a couple of books when dealing with such tragedies that have helped me out of depressive times. Heart Wounds, by Tian Dayton, is a great book for learning how to manage pain from a large trauma of any sort.  And, Learned Optimism, by Martin Seligman is a great read you can use not just for a huge tragedy but even for a pick me upper. For those going through divorce, there is, Growing Through Divorce, by Jim Smoke. The beauty of having books is, you can ready them when you’re good and ready, and for as long as you want at any given time.

                                                    

I remember when I was going through rough times, and after a few months, my friends pointed out how I needed to let it go.  It was consuming me.  I heard them.  I also caught myself always talking about the same situation one too many times. My friends started making the phone calls shorter. It was a wake up call. I saw I needed to move on. I turned to a therapist.  I turned to books.  I thank you friends for instead of just running away, being honest enough to me to tell me it was time to move on with my life.  They did it in a kind and loving way, but were very effective.  You know who you are.

                                                                                                                               

If you have a friend who is suffering from the effects of a traumatic experience in their life and you are feeling the need to distance yourself, try at first to be honest with them about how you see it consuming them.  Explain that you feel they need to move on, and cut their ties from their grief.  Offer them a couple books they can read dealing with their situation. Politely nudge them more and more after you have the discussion so they catch themselves in the conversation.  Hopefully, they will see the light before you have to cut them out of your life in order to save yourself. 

                                                         

Best of luck to you and yours.

More Words To Live By

This Post is a follow up post to, Words To Live By. The day I wrote this post I met up with some friends. This post was made with their input.  Thank you guys! It was nice to see how many really got into it and started thinking about what words of inspiration they held on to through the years. Here is a list we came up with together. What is fun about it, is you can learn things about the person who shares them. You gain insight as to what is important for them. Or, possibly what they are going through now or have been through. Maybe you know some.

Never say Never

Three Times a charm

I’m a Survivior

I Can Do it or Just Do IT

An Apple A Day keeps The Doctor Away

My Tears Do Not Compromise My Strength

Inside I’m So Strong

It Takes Courage To Be Vulnerable

Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance

Work Hard Play Hard

I AM Bigger Than This

We Will Be Laughing When This Is All Over

Hard Work Beats Talent Unless Talent Works Hard

It’s In The Hands Of God

Sink or Swim Baby   …I used this to get me through my divorce and I recommended it to a friend going through Chemo for Breast Cancer. She still uses it today.

The interesting thing is that these phrases that are part of our conversation permeate our belief systems over time, and become a part of who we are.

As my friends and I sat in conversation, someone, I will refer to as Joan, had shared with us how great it would have been to have a thought to cling on to when her car broke down. She was stuck in then middle of nowhere in Wisconsin, hours away from home. She felt trapped and helpless. The negative thoughts just took over. She considered to add this little exercise to her tool box in life, as I put it. She is actually going to sit down and come up with a list to turn to, to inspire her and keep her strong and able when needed. Nice to know, this article made a difference in her life. She mentioned, "Just a few simple words would have kept me more calm and less freaked out through it all." We came up with a few suggestions: It could have been worse, I am a phone call away from help, If this is a test, I’m going to Ace it. The change in thought cuts through the negativity, stops the vicious circle and sets her back on track to getting things resolved.

We have all been stuck in one way or another. Or need something to grasp on to at times to get us motivated. Jane is putting her list of top ten in her notes section on her phone. So, she will be prepared in the future. The things about using Mantras on a regular basis is they become a natural tool to seek out if they are at the forefront of your mind or easily found in a list somewhere, to use when you need them. I hope this post has inspired you to come up with a list that defines you and inspires you like Joan.

    Here are a couple more websites to add to your collection:

         www.Quotationpage.com and  www.Brainyquote.com

    Suggested Book readings, as some of my friends like to turn to books:

          The Forbes Book of Business Quotations, By Ted Goodman

          The Change Your Life Quote Book, by Allen Klein

Lastly, here is a phrase I sign off with often,

Live, Learn, Love, Laugh

Robin