To lead an individual to success is like being a real estate agent helping someone purchase the perfect home. The perfect home for one person is not the perfect home for another. Success encompasses many variables just like a home has many rooms. We all want success in our life, just like we all want a roof over our head. However, what success is for one person is not success for another. Like a real estate agent who is helping a person find their perfect home, as a coach I help an individual find success based on their ideal balance of needs, wants and desires. I call this formula NWD. A person who claims he is successful in his/her life feels satiated and comfortable. They have the ideal balance of NWD and are for the most part truly happy.
I would not for a moment attempt to define success in one blanket statement for the masses, or any individual for that matter. Each person will do best in determining what success will look like for him/herself. A person’s success, when dissected, is a uniquely shaped and weighted formula of NWD and it can in no way be the same for any two people. You can have two formulas of success that are quite similar, and yet like our DNA when you get to the nitty gritty we are all unique creatures. Success like DNA is unique to each of us. Not only are there many choices as far as how many rooms you want in a house, there is also the choice of the size, the shape, the color. The notion of what a perfect room is will vary from one individual to another based on individual preference. And, there are many rooms in a house, making the number of decisions exponentially greater as to weather a house is a match for an individual or not. Success like the perfect house has the perfect blend of NWD specific to the individual in each of the three following areas.
These three areas make up the skeletal base for success. The meat of the matter is based on each individual’s NWD in the following areas.
1. Primary Needs. No doubt about it, the first component is having primary needs met; food, shelter, clothes. Etc. Good health is part of this component as well. This is for self- preservation. You may be well acquainted with Henry Maslow and his list of the seven primary needs. I remember being a starving college student and trying to get these needs met and to pay for my schooling. It was quite a challenge. And once met, I assumed I would have enough. Post college, a few years later, life looked different. In my twenties, I went from an exciting career to being married, and living a life of mass material accumulation and the finest at that. As a child, I thought to have these things I would be living the dream life. Well, it wasn’t so dreamy after all.
I have found in my own life experiences that once there is food on the table and the bills are paid for, life can still be dissatisfying; even if the house is magnificent and the quality of food is superb. And, I had the most fabulous wardrobe and big rocks on my fingers and toes. Okay, maybe not toes but there were an abundance. Steak and fine wine were part of the weekly diet. All these things I had I call icing on the cake. If you don’t have the cake what good is a bowl of icing? Just icing and you can get sick to your stomach. I have driven fabulous cars that as a child I could only dream of. And yet, found myself quite unhappy in this world of material abundance. See, I was lacking in component number 2.
2. Respect and Appreciation. As humans, we are all social creatures. There is an inner need of respect and appreciation that we all want from other individuals. The level of respect and the form of appreciation depends on our NWD. For some of us, a select few who provide this are enough. For others, they want it on a grand scale. For instance, some people are happy being single and have no need for marriage. Maybe, they are well liked and respected at work, they have great friends and family relationships. My brother for instance, is one of the happiest people I know at age 33. And, he is not looking to get married. For others, life would not be complete without a marital partner. I have met people on each side. Another scenario is, some people want children and some people don’t. There is no right or wrong, it is a matter of choice. For those enjoying large numbers of people in their life, there are organizations you can join. Some people are members of many and some choose not to join in large groups. If you are receiving respect and appreciation these experiences will be rewarding. If the people you are with are not giving you respect and appreciation, no matter the number you will feel disappointment. No matter your choices, all people at some level are looking for respect and appreciation from others in some area of their life with the right NWD.
So now we have a roof over our head, food on the table, people to respect and appreciate us, and there is still a void. We have one more variable for success to make the formula complete.
3. We all need something to do. There are many people out there that have all the goodies, all the money, the looks, the fame, and have great friends and relationships …from a distance you would think they have the best life. You know, these people can be bored stiff. Everyone needs something to do. Humans were not put on this earth to just sit around. I have yet to meet a person that can sit around day after day and feel content. Come on, sun bathing on a beach in Hawaii sounds delicious; but all day, every day? Sitting around not accomplishing anything for a long duration of time does not fill our souls with contentment.
Now here again, how one person wants to fill their day with activity will be quite different from another. We are all unique with our own determination of what is enjoyable for us and what is not. It varies based on our NWD. One person wants to be a fire fighter it is not just his work it is his identity. Another person wants to be a nurse. And another person wants to be a rock star. How bout those professional athletes? Looks like a glamorous life with all that fame and money. After having dated a few, I found that life is rigorous and really tough on the body and can lead to arthritis and lifelong ailments. But don’t think for a minute they wouldn’t have done it any other way. Bottom line, we all need to fill our day with something to do that makes us happy. Too much to do equals burn out. Balance is key. If volunteer work does it for you, get out there and make great things happen. If making the next big invention makes you happy, go out there and do it. If being a teacher and having an impact on the future of this world light you up, start teaching today. We need you. The thing is, if you don’t like what you are doing, do something else. You don’t like your job, find another. You are bored playing tennis, play golf. Find something to do to occupy your time on this earth that makes you feel fulfilled.
There has always been something mystical about the number three. I have three kids and they are my greatest joy; cannot imagine life without them. The number three shows up in the universe again and again as a significant number. The pyramids are shaped like triangles with three corners. The holy trinity is made up of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, Ceasar's famous words, Veni, Vidi, Vici ( I came, I saw, I conquered), and then there's morning, noon and night. “Three's a charm”, we have all heard that. In this case, it truly is. As a coach, this is the formula I use helping others achieve success. These three components with the right balance of NWD equal a life of happiness and fulfillment.
If you are looking for success start by looking at these three components in your life; taking care of your primary needs, being respected and appreciated by your fellowman and having something to do. Bear in mind, there is a diminishing point of returns in any one of these areas just like there is to the size of any given room in a house and what you can do to that room. You want to balance these areas to get the perfect fit for you overall. When you find the right fit, you will be filled with vitality and contentment. You will be one of those who can proudly stand up and say, "I am a success".
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