An associate of mine most recently shared with me she would be breaking up with her boyfriend of two years. They had lived together for a while. She also has spent time with his kids. Her break up stemmed from her feeling they were not growing at the same pace and distance between them started to become greater. Last weekend she moved out into a new place on her own.
Lisa, we shall call her, was the one who chose this break up. However, this break up stirred up a lot of emotions in her. You get used to having someone beside you at night, or coming home to someone. You have a sure companion to go out to dinner with or to the movies. All of a sudden she is faced not having that companion at her beck and call. She will be going it alone, at least for now.
Upon sharing this new life transition with me, I pointed out how important it was to love herself and be good to herself at this time. What does this mean? Needless to say, Lisa, is now in a more vulnerable state, a bit more fragile. It is not like she is going to fall apart, it is just when changes in life occur, they have a tendency to have us feel a bit ungrounded. At these times you have to give yourself a little extra TLC. Sometimes the person we have to focus taking care of first and foremost for the moment is ourselves.
How can one give themselves some TLC? Many of us understand how to be there for a friend or family member and how to give them some special attention. How about for ourselves? Here are a few suggestions: Make sure the music that you listen to does not have the ability to pull you down. Choose programs on the television or at the movies that are uplifting rather than tragic or negative. Work out. Don't forget, work outs cut the stress level down by 50%. Also, they increase endorphins that create that feel good feeling. Celebrate getting through certain moments. No doubt there will be moments that show up when Lisa feels sad, or frightened, or frustrated. After accepting they are a part of the process and moving on, celebrate you made it through that moment, those moments. Give yourself a little pat on the back for doing the little things and remaining "in action" in your life. If you need to lay down and rest, allow yourself the time to unwind. Pamper yourself a little, get a massage, a facial or attend a mediation session. Call friends or family who will make you feel comfortable and provide support. If someone is speaking to you and the conversation becomes negative, cut the conversation short. Stay away from negative stimuli that may further disrupt your feelings of discomfort at this time. Read a book. Sometimes reading a book is the perfect distraction so we don't dwell in the space of pity or worry. Go outdoors for a walk or a jog. Being under direct sunlight makes us feel more upbeat. Create an environment for yourself that will sooth your soul and provide a space to heal and rejuvenate.
There are many ways one can care for themselves while going through difficult times in one's life. First and foremost one must care for themselves before they can attend to others most effectively. Take one day at a time, or one moment at a time and celebrate having made it through it successfully. Slowly but surely momentum will build and Lisa will find herself moving forward and new surprises coming into her life. Remember when one door closes, another will open. Be ready for the next chapter to start in you life. As for Lisa, while working at a seminar, she met a new male friend who has already added some light to her life.
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